Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Cheaters

Ok, so this is not the lightest of subject matters, but I've been thinking about this a bit lately. Now those who know me well know I have very little tolerance for cheating. If a good friend tells me they've been cheated on, I'm likely to take their word for it and even join in the badmouthing, encouraging them to leave the cheater in the cold. However, if I'm friends with the alleged cheater as well, this somehow becomes a lot more difficult a situation.

For some odd reason, we all like to think that our friends are good people and don't possess certain negative traits, cheating included. And so if the topic comes up, we're hesitant to believe it about them, and if we do, we're likely to still want to maintain the friendship. Case in point: one of my high school friends was dating a girl in a different social circle than we were (not better or worse, just different). He would often ditch times he was supposed to hang out with her to hang out with us, sometimes even lying to do so. There was also word of him being unfaithful, but since he was always faithful in and prioritized his friendship with us, we ignored everything else. Yet now that I'm older and supposedly wiser, I'm not sure what the appropriate response is/should be.

I guess my question is this: is cheating one of these inherently bad traits that should make us rethink our friendship, if we weren't directly hurt by the action? Or is cheating one of the many flaws of human nature that we should just accept if we're not the ones cheated on?

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

What women want

I was hesitant to write the female equivalent of the last blog, for a couple of reasons. First, I do not understand all females, and thus have difficulty giving advice on how to handle some of my gender. Secondly, I never know who's reading my blog, and don't want to give any potential suitors a how-to handbook on me. However, for the sake of balanced journalism, I feel the need to put aside my concerns and at least attempt something on women (and if you think you are a potential suitor, not to worry, I'm not revealing all of my cards anyways :P). I've attempted to feminize the previous questions as follows:

A) What goes on inside a woman's mind... and how attraction works for her?
B) Initial interaction: how to start up a conversation and keep her interested
C) What do women want in a man? In a relationship?
D) The five things men do that annoy women and kill intimacy.


I'll start with the premise from some of the earlier comments about men being the ones who predominantly pursue initially and women filter. As much as the feminist in me would like to pretend otherwise, guys, let me be clear. ALL FEMALES WANT TO BE PURSUED. Some have a more scripted interaction that they want to have, but regardless, every woman wants to feel attractive, wanted, and special. No, this doesn't mean that you need to fall all over yourself giving compliments (in fact, this approach can backfire as the comments seem to lose significance), but if you're thinking something positive about her, share it with her. Don't be afraid to put yourself on the line and make her blush, and if you're in the early stages of dating, let her know you're interested. If you're actually in a relationship, let her know she's wanted/needed/cared for always. This kind of leads me to my next point.

As to how attraction works, there's a lot at play, but one thing is certain: we like self-confidence. Now, I may have defined this once or twice, but confidence is definitely different than (and should never be confused with) cockiness. If you think back to high school, there was likely at least one of your not-so-attractive classmates who had a surprising amount of luck with girls. Why? Because he had charisma, was proud of who he was and it came across, no extra effort needed. Please don't try to flaunt your accomplishments or your sexual prowess, stating those things explicitly actually makes you less attractive, not more. But to be comfortable with who you are, that's sexy.

More comments may follow, but for now, I'll leave this open ended for you all. Feel free to post/answer any additional quesitons you come up with as well.