Ok, so back to my Key West storytelling.
4) Dr. Pete and friends. While we were relaxing by the pool a somewhat intoxicated middle aged man offered us drinks on his friend's (whom he called Dr. Pete) tab. Since he was friendly and was pretty much leaving us alone (and a lot of people were already drinking on Dr. Pete's check), on the 2nd offer we took him up on it. It seemed perfectly cool when we heard they all had kids at home and this was their 16th reunion. All was well until Dr. Pete's friend told us he was divorced and started paying us more attention than desired. Then we realized why the rest of the gang held back, they were nice guys who talked to Alice about her work and about their kids applying to college in very comfortable territory. I think they wanted to distinguish themselves from our initial contact since apparently he didn't understand this whole age difference thing and appropriate conversations.
All this made me wonder, what makes someone your father's age think he has a chance with you? Why are there some men who are attracted to women who are close to their daughters' age? And for less extreme examples, how exactly does one say "you're just too old for me"?
5) The Mariners. Yes, all our groups of guys have codenames, how is this different than any other guy I meet :P The mariners were the two guys who took us parasailing, one in his twenties and one in his early thirties. The younger one was pretty hot, and definitely enjoyed saying things like, "If you want to remove your clothes, now is a good time to do it", and overall just messing with us. The older one was friendly too and taught us how to tie a good knot, and they both took us on an extended tour of the harbor and swimming after we finished.
We met up with them later that night, and went to check out a country bar (yes, even key west has country bars). Except somehow it ended up being just the younger one and a couple of his friends, one of whom is officially the most boring person to talk to that I have ever met (and somehow I got stuck talking to him for extended periods of time). Now, don't get me wrong, they were all nice guys, but they were mostly born and raised in key west and were content with the lifestyle they were living (take tourists parasailing/jetskiing, go out to bars, rinse, and repeat). Since boring boy didn't even know how to flirt, there were only so many conversation starters you could try before you gave up. I know this sounds pretentious, but I realized that I quickly run out of things to say to someone who has little ambition, is largely unaware of the rest of the world, and is unable to participate in any sort of intellectual conversation. Is that a bad thing?
Anyways, overall there were some pretty obvious perks to traveling with 3 other girls: free drinks, extended tours, interesting and friendly people... did I mention free drinks? And I got to catch up with my girls, lie in the sun, and actually relax. The only bad part was coming back :)
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Key West Ponderings... Part I
For those who don't already know, this past week I went to Key West with some of my closest Duke friends. In addition to all the beach and parasailing and bar hopping fun, we got to meet a bunch of interesting people, and each interaction made me think about some larger issue (shocking, I know ;)). In the order which we met them:
1) Kyle, a waiter/bartender who sat down with our table our first night there and participated in girl talk. He had a good head on his shoulders, had found his way to making decent money bartending/waiting and catching lobsters, as well as enjoying his life. One of our more entertaining conversationalists, he felt comfortable in our philosophical discussions as well as partying key west style, two things we found later to be quite distinct realms. That and he called us out for trying to define acceptability of potential guys on anything other than an individual basis, something we all tend to do to try to make dating a more rational process. In engineer speak, that's like trying to make a nonlinear process linear- it just doesn't work.
2) The band. I don't even remember their name, but they were a rock cover band who got progressively more drunk and indecent with their lyrics (and body movements) as the night went on. Oh yeah, and they also threw out sex toys to the crowd. Watching this bunch of disheveled guys perform reminded me of why every boy growing up wanted to be a rockstar: tons of wannabe groupies and adoring women throwing themselves at the band. Let me be blunt, the majority of these women wouldn't have given any of the band members the time of day normally, but because they were on stage all of a sudden they become attractive and cool. And, for some women, this means using their bodies to get up close and personal, and more. As an adolescent boy, how could this not be your dream job? And as a self-respecting woman, how can you not be weirded out by this behavior?
3) The Serbians. We had a brief encounter with 5 Serbian guys earlier at the beach, and then ran into them later at the bar. All cute and with sexy accents, and one was determined to be our alcohol sponsor for the evening. After a fun evening of flirting and dancing (and a question about whether one of the previously mentioned toys was American or European sized), our drink "sponsor" now overly drunk himself got himself in a little tiff with another customer. As his friends escorted him out, a cop starts questioning him. Alice and I being the worry-warts, decide that it is best not to leave our foreign friends with the police (who seem to be mocking him for being foreign) end up using our feminine charm to calm him down and get him home safely sans police escort or in a headlock from his friends. Free drinks and the power of feminine charm- two of the many reasons I love being a female.
The Serbians get a second point though, that we didn't realize until afterwards. When we compared notes, we all knew what each of them studied or wanted to do for a living. Only one of them bothered to ask any of us what we did (I apparently do "Brain Fucking Engineering" :) ). For being some of the most courteous, chivalrous, and friendly guys we met, the rest didn't seem to care about our careers. In fact, one explicitly told one of my friends he didn't care that she was smart (he somehow intended that as a compliment). Did their chivalry necessarily negate being impressed with female intelligence or success? Does one necessarily rule the other out?
1) Kyle, a waiter/bartender who sat down with our table our first night there and participated in girl talk. He had a good head on his shoulders, had found his way to making decent money bartending/waiting and catching lobsters, as well as enjoying his life. One of our more entertaining conversationalists, he felt comfortable in our philosophical discussions as well as partying key west style, two things we found later to be quite distinct realms. That and he called us out for trying to define acceptability of potential guys on anything other than an individual basis, something we all tend to do to try to make dating a more rational process. In engineer speak, that's like trying to make a nonlinear process linear- it just doesn't work.
2) The band. I don't even remember their name, but they were a rock cover band who got progressively more drunk and indecent with their lyrics (and body movements) as the night went on. Oh yeah, and they also threw out sex toys to the crowd. Watching this bunch of disheveled guys perform reminded me of why every boy growing up wanted to be a rockstar: tons of wannabe groupies and adoring women throwing themselves at the band. Let me be blunt, the majority of these women wouldn't have given any of the band members the time of day normally, but because they were on stage all of a sudden they become attractive and cool. And, for some women, this means using their bodies to get up close and personal, and more. As an adolescent boy, how could this not be your dream job? And as a self-respecting woman, how can you not be weirded out by this behavior?
3) The Serbians. We had a brief encounter with 5 Serbian guys earlier at the beach, and then ran into them later at the bar. All cute and with sexy accents, and one was determined to be our alcohol sponsor for the evening. After a fun evening of flirting and dancing (and a question about whether one of the previously mentioned toys was American or European sized), our drink "sponsor" now overly drunk himself got himself in a little tiff with another customer. As his friends escorted him out, a cop starts questioning him. Alice and I being the worry-warts, decide that it is best not to leave our foreign friends with the police (who seem to be mocking him for being foreign) end up using our feminine charm to calm him down and get him home safely sans police escort or in a headlock from his friends. Free drinks and the power of feminine charm- two of the many reasons I love being a female.
The Serbians get a second point though, that we didn't realize until afterwards. When we compared notes, we all knew what each of them studied or wanted to do for a living. Only one of them bothered to ask any of us what we did (I apparently do "Brain Fucking Engineering" :) ). For being some of the most courteous, chivalrous, and friendly guys we met, the rest didn't seem to care about our careers. In fact, one explicitly told one of my friends he didn't care that she was smart (he somehow intended that as a compliment). Did their chivalry necessarily negate being impressed with female intelligence or success? Does one necessarily rule the other out?
Monday, September 17, 2007
Dating... part three hundred and twenty-three
So I forget how many of these blogs I've written about my dating adventures. As of late, here's what I've learned:
1) Don't try to play (and assume everyone else is playing) by rules you don't understand. Every time I've tried to read into a guy's action by some sort of sex-and-the-city type of checklist, I've been wrong. Case in point: I don't hear from a guy in about a week, so I assume that's exceeded the 3-4 day limit and he's just not interested. When I run into him later that day, I act aloof because of it, and he gets the message I'm not interested. Turns out he was legitimately really busy but still interested, and we went out again this week (after I clarified).
2) Do not start conversations around serious topics. It is difficult to keep yourself in ok-philosophical area without slipping too close to the uncomfortable region. Example: Talking about how much people do or don't plan for the future. When your best example involves thinking about when in your career ambitions would be a good time to have children, this is a topic best avoided...
3) Trust your instincts. If your first date feels too much like an interview and you get that gut adverse reaction, don't ignore it. Later you'll wonder why you didn't listen to it in the first place.
4) When you do stumble across someone who you seem to have chemistry with, put a little effort in. When you're picky like I am, if you're still attracted to the guy after the 2nd date, and he hasn't admitted admiration of Zach Morris or chosen accounting as a profession, it's worth a little energy.
5) Dating is actually fun. Remember that when your instinct tells you to avoid the effort of social interaction. Learning about someone else, flirting, good food, what more could a gal want?
More on this topic later...
1) Don't try to play (and assume everyone else is playing) by rules you don't understand. Every time I've tried to read into a guy's action by some sort of sex-and-the-city type of checklist, I've been wrong. Case in point: I don't hear from a guy in about a week, so I assume that's exceeded the 3-4 day limit and he's just not interested. When I run into him later that day, I act aloof because of it, and he gets the message I'm not interested. Turns out he was legitimately really busy but still interested, and we went out again this week (after I clarified).
2) Do not start conversations around serious topics. It is difficult to keep yourself in ok-philosophical area without slipping too close to the uncomfortable region. Example: Talking about how much people do or don't plan for the future. When your best example involves thinking about when in your career ambitions would be a good time to have children, this is a topic best avoided...
3) Trust your instincts. If your first date feels too much like an interview and you get that gut adverse reaction, don't ignore it. Later you'll wonder why you didn't listen to it in the first place.
4) When you do stumble across someone who you seem to have chemistry with, put a little effort in. When you're picky like I am, if you're still attracted to the guy after the 2nd date, and he hasn't admitted admiration of Zach Morris or chosen accounting as a profession, it's worth a little energy.
5) Dating is actually fun. Remember that when your instinct tells you to avoid the effort of social interaction. Learning about someone else, flirting, good food, what more could a gal want?
More on this topic later...
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