Monday, March 31, 2008

On Chivalry

Yes, this is two blogs in a day, a record for me. Not to worry, they're related a bit. What I'm about to say may come as a shock to some of my readers, but here it goes: I have difficulty with the concept of chivalry. I had to check to make sure I hadn't previously written on this topic, but seeing as I haven't, I'm good to go.

Let me start by saying that I've come a long way since high school, where I fought with my boyfriend for trying to carry my school books. If chivalrous behavior can be grouped in the category of doing nice things for others, that's something I can accept and even appreciate. If, on the other hand, it's seen as an obligation or as compensation for my inability to open my own door, that's another story. By the way, if you want to open my door, you have to get to it first, right Kpark? :P

Yet, even in my newfound acceptance of said behaviors, I have difficulty learning how to react to them. Take, for instance, the question of who gets the check at the restaurant. Well, old-fashioned chivalry would say the guy always does. As a poor grad student myself, some part of me wants to accept this whenever presented with the opportunity. However, the rest of me feels very uncomfortable with the idea of riding a relationship on someone else's dime (not to mention that it makes me feel good to treat people I care about now and then). If both male and female contribute equally emotionally to a relationship, why should there be an uneven distribution financially?

I guess what I'm asking is this: in dating, who should pick up the check? Does this change based on the finances of those involved? And if there is an uneven distribution, what levels the playing field?

Boys will be boys

Recently I was told that sometimes I have to let guys be guys, e.g. taking girls out to dinner and fixing/lifting/opening things, because, well, they enjoy such opportunities. Totally a valid point, and there's been a country song that's been playing a lot lately that paints a broader, humorous picture. I figured my readers might get a kick out of it, so check it out :)

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

An Unlikely Refuge: Muslims Fleeing Darfur Rebuilding Lives in Israel

I saw this article and found it interesting. A clip is below, but click here
for the full story.


"Even though we're Muslim, the Islamic world has done nothing to protect us," said Yassin, one of the first Darfurians to make it into Israel across the border from Egypt and now director of Bnei Darfur [Sons of Darfur], which assists Sudanese refugees to integrate into Israeli society. "All of the Arab countries support the government of Sudan - our problem is with the Arab League," he said. As far as Yassin is concerned, Israel has provided for his people in a way that no Arab country would - and for that he's eternally grateful.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Girls' Night

I have a really good group of girl friends in Atlanta, that are just plain fun to hang out with. Since we all have such busy schedules, we've been planning girls' nights about once every 6 weeks or so for about a year now. Yet throughout this time, one thing has not changed: the male response to it.

I've seen it all: excitement, confusion, jealousy, and the inevitable "Can I come?". What is with guys and girls' night?

Most prevalent is perhaps the notion that there will be scantily clad pillow fights, regardless of the time or temperature. While this has happened on occasion (gotta love Duke trips to Myrtle), the majority of girls' night is girl bonding. Females have a different dynamic when there are no males around, we seem to let our guards down and be, well, girls. Heads up, I'm about to reveal a big secret: GIRLS TALK. We get our kicks from being involved in each others lives, from work to play and inevitably guys. While we may not be bragging about our latest sexual conquests, we get updates and advice on relationships and life in general.

This is apparently very different than what happens on guys' nights, so perhaps this is where all the fascination comes from. From what I gather, the opposite gender likes to avoid meaningful conversations when they gather in mass, and focus instead on poker, sports, and likely cars. Now that the stereotypical locker room talk about girls is no longer PC, it seems that guys don't easily discuss females in their lives. Well, at least not during guys' nights, and thus the confusion.

Lest my male readers get too concerned about getting talked about, fret not. Assuming you're not being an ass to your girl (which will hopefully be pointed out to her), most conversations about you will end in your favor. Your girl is likely not to reveal your secret doll collection to the group, unless she needs suggestions on what kind of doll to get you next. And who knows, she might have even come away with a new idea to try with you next time you two have some alone time ;).

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

What can we do about it?

Every morning I receive my daily news digest of what's happening in the middle east, as seen from multiple news sources. I learned a long time ago that certain news sources have an inherently strong bias in what and how they chose to cover news related to Israel, and one should take this into account when reading it. Take for instance, the coverage of the massacre at the religious school in Israel and the daily firing of rockets into Israel proper (note, territory not disputed in any international forum except by those who deny Israel's right to exist). Every day I'd read the coverage that focused on the "disproportionate" Israeli response, and wanted to throw my hands up in the air and accept that the majority of western media will always have an anti-Israel bias. And then I stumbled on this article, which in addition to some suggestions about the power of an individual, does a great job at summarizing some of the facts of Israeli history most commonly distorted by the media and anti-Israel propagandists. It also gives a list of sources and suggestions for further reading.

To highlight one of the author's main points, we can do something as individuals. The most effective measure we have against propaganda is to educate ourselves and those around us of the truth. One can argue the nuances of what is an appropriate response, where the boundaries should lie, what the path to peace should be for hours, but these discussions need to start with a firm historical foundation of fact. So check out the article. It's a step in the right direction.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Gender Differences

A friend forwarded me the following story (we scream, we swoon). The article is written by a woman about gender differences, with particular criticism for the female sex.

Yes, I'll admit, as a gender we are sometimes ridiculously superficial and dumb. Obama isn't the first presidential candidate to attract female voters based on his swoon-worthy appearance (e.g. JFK), yet even with the beginnings of female contenders, can you ever see males voting for president based on her sex appeal? Yes, some of us have a ridiculous obsession with looks, spend thousands of dollars on plastic surgery, botox, etc just to avoid the effects of aging. And yes, as a whole we seem to support intellectually void literature way more than necessary.

However, the author fails to acknowledge the stereotypical male equivalents of such silly shananigans. Take, for instance, the general male obsession with sports, willingness to spend entire days watching other people play on tv, bestowing personal worth based on athletic talent on strangers and family alike, and spending thousands of dollars on high-definition televisions to capture the action better. Another example to view is the willingness of males (more so than females) to resort to violence to solve our differences. And don't get me started on the amount of time and money males spend on hard-core porn (as opposed to the romance novel soft-core equivalents).

The author also choses to cite studies that rely on standardized testing. For those who are unaware, in the scientific community standardized means to test "intelligence" are highly controversial, often biased toward higher socio-economic status and the male gender. For a personal anecdote of gender differences in spatial perception, last year we had a question on a robotics exam that required us to analyze a sketch of a 3 dimensional robot. All 5 females in the class saw the robot differently than our 15 male counterparts and answered the questions accordingly, and didn't realize why our answers were all off until we discussed the drawing with the teacher. On subsequent exams, he used another method to show 3 dimensions, and the females went back to scoring above average.

What I'm saying is this: regardless of gender, people as a whole are not always the brightest. We obsess over stupid things. We focus on the superficial and popular rather than the deep and meaningful. Yes, there are population gender differences, but why should we seek to define any group of people based on the mean? And if one is going to base her arguments on scientific studies, perhaps she should investigate the methods used and what inherent bias they might have. At the very least, perhaps one should use her criticisms to encourage change in her gender's habits, instead of sitting back and accepting inferiority.