Sunday, December 16, 2007

The Booty Call

To give this a little perspective, I'm writing this just after I returned from a friend's birthday/graduation party tonight. And, as is custom in such parties, many had been drinking, some more than others. For some odd reason, the combination of alcohol and late nights always lead to one thing: booty calls.

Now, I'm going to extend this definition perhaps more than you are accustomed. Towards the end of said party, everyone had their own booty calls to make. My coupled friends whose boyfriends were there felt unappreciated because their boyfriends weren't paying them enough attention, and wanted to remedy the situation. Those whose significant others weren't present tended to want to call such people (drunk dial, if you will). And those of us who were single began to weigh our dating options, and seek attention either via phone or in person from other party attendees.

Although none of the above descriptions necessarily entail any physical sexual encounters, they all seem to have a common thread: we seek the attention and affection of others, both physical and otherwise. Whenever we are willing to let down our guards (either by alcohol, tiredness, or just complete comfort) and be emotionally vulnerable, we begin to see just how much we crave human interaction. More specifically, we want to love and be loved. As much as any of us claim to the contrary, this is what really matters to us all. That's a scary notion that most of us hide with our day to day stubbornly independent masks we wear. Yet if it's human nature, why are we ashamed of it? In other words, what are we hiding from?

Sunday, December 09, 2007

My dating epiphany

This is a late night blog because tonight I've had somewhat of a dating epiphany. I mean, I blog about dating a lot because it always seems so complicated. But my epiphany tonight is this: dating is simple. Let me explain.

1) Chemistry. You either have it with someone or you don't. For me, this goes way beyond the pure physical or pure mental connection. It's that indescribable pull towards a person that is mutual and makes you want to keep engaging them. And you know this within the first 5 minutes of talking to him/her, usually (there is the exception when people or circumstances change, obviously).

2) Dating is a process by which we try to find someone who complements who we are and what stage of our lives we're in. Don't approach it like a job interview, it's not one: you're neither interviewer nor interviewee. If a date feels like an interview, it's a bad sign.

3) If you're not getting a good relationship vibe, chances are the other person isn't either. That's ok. Sometimes 2 people can get along well and just not click. This is not a big awkward conversation you need to have. Just be honest about it and you both can walk away unharmed.

4) This is the big epiphany. I can and do click with people right off the bat, both male and female. When I click with a guy and have chemistry on top of it, I know right away. I don't have to do some deep introspection on whether there's anything there, it's obvious. It just doesn't happen that often with me. That's ok too. But when it does happen, take advantage of it. Who knows when the next opportunity will arise?

K, with my newfound understanding, I'm happily putting my single self to bed.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

200 Lashes for a rape victim?

Just another example of Saudi Arabia's backward trends, for all those readers who don't stay on top of their middle east news. The Saudi courts recently upped the punishment for a rape victim to receive 200 lashes. Let me a repeat, a rape VICTIM is handed a jail term and lashing for the circumstances leading up to her rape. What was her crime? Meeting an old friend, an unrelated male, to retrieve some photographs.

The seven males who abducted the two and raped them both initially were sentenced for periods from 10 months to 5 years. After her lawyer contested it, the courts increased their sentences to 2-9 years. Oh, but wait, they increased her sentence to 6 months in jail and 200 lashes. Why? She bothered talking to the media.

Just another instance of how our "ally" Saudi Arabia continues to deny basic human rights to its female citizens. Current rules include a dress code; prohibitions against driving unaccompanied, traveling anywhere unaccompanied, and testifying in court; requirement to have a male's permission for surgery, and inability to vote. Add in the fact that they blatantly support extremist ideology both at home and abroad, you wonder, why again are we so insistent that they're our ally???

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian

I figured that would get your attention. Now, in all honesty, I really like being a woman, and wouldn't really want to be the man in a relationship. But apart from that and the fact that I've yet to be attracted to females, sometimes I think it would be easier being a lesbian.

Take, for instance, the fact that I pick up women much more frequently than I do men. I keep meeting women who I click with immediately, who I have difficulty ending conversations with, and overall enjoy their company. Now, this is great when it comes to gaining more confidants, friends I trust enough to see the real me and whose opinions I trust and value. And if I was a lesbian, this would also generate potential partners to date. Unfortunately, as a heterosexual female, this is not one of the benefits.

I think the longer I go through my life, the more I understand the gender dynamics that are constantly at play. Perhaps my ability to click with women can be attributed to the fact that I don't see them as having potential and can therefore let down my guard more readily, but this only partially explains it. I mean, the feminist in me fights the notion that women and men are inherently different in their social skills and interactions, but societally imposed or not, there seems to be a dichotomy. Women (at least with each other) tend to be more open about their lives, confide in each other more regularly for advice or sympathy, bond by their conversations, and define their friendships based on their ability to trust the other person. On the other hand, men tend to hide their emotions more (from themselves and others), analyze less, bond over activities, and define their friendships based on their willingness/ability to have each other's back. Now, both have obvious strengths and weaknesses, and regardless of what gender fulfills what roles, you tend to need both skill sets covered.

My question to my readers, therefore, is this: Do I do a fair job at describing this dichotomy, and if so, is it more difficult to find opposites/complements to which you connect, or those that are like you?

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

It's time to fund research

For years the United States has been a leader in medically related research. Yet, due to budget cuts over the past 8 years, we have not had the resources for scientists and health professionals to pursue integral scientific and health related research. To put this in perspective, almost every faculty member I know has had to take less graduate students, cut prospective research projects and spend most of their time applying for grants instead of actually completing research. This is because the National Institute of Health is at an all time funding low, and less than 6% of grant applications are currently approved. These grants fund research on Parkinson's disease, Alzheimer's disease, and cancer, among others, to help increase our understanding of how the body works, how various diseases affect it, and what we can do about them. And for the past 8 years, we've been effectively saying that this isn't important to us as a country.

It is imperative that we start to fund this research before we lose our edge, both in scientific discovery and ability to address those health issues that plague our nation. President Bush recently vetoed a bill that would slightly increase NIH funding and compensate for some of the drastic cuts in recent years. If the 2008 Labor, Health and Human Services, and Education appropriations bill fails at getting enough votes for an override, the National Institute of Health will get what equates to a 3.7% decrease in funding (given current rates of inflation). This is already funding drastically few projects, and Bush just put us in a position to decrease funding even further. Please urge your congressmen to vote pass this bill. It's about time we start putting money this important area.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Acceptance

As I spend more time getting to know people, I think I'm starting to understand traits we all seem to have in common. To some degree or another everyone is in constant pursuit of acceptance by their peers. Take dating, for example. The largest compliment one can receive is that someone of the opposite sex likes you. Apart from a superficial crush, someone who really knows all of you and likes you for who you are really builds your self-esteem. It's total acceptance of you. Yet we often spend months getting to the point where we trust the other person enough to show him/her our true selves. That way there's less risk of being (and being hurt) by rejection.

Even in non-romantic social spheres, people crave it. I used to be highly turned away from my synagogue's youth group because I hated the pressure to be the cool kid, and everything you had to have and pretend in order to be so. But outside of the popular spheres, we all share this basic need. If we can define a group in which we belong, we feel automatic acceptance. When groups clearly define themselves, they end up narrowing their circle of acceptance. Goth kids in school still get derided for not being alternative enough, liberals at a liberal university get mocked for not being progressive enough, Christians get snubbed for not acting Christian enough, etc. Even in non-official groups, people change their behavior when they're in a group. Now, some are more subtle than others, but if you know someone well enough, you can see the front they put up to increase their likelihood of social acceptance.

Perhaps this is why good friends are so important to have. They're defined by their ability to see you in your entirety (or near entirety), really know you as a person, and still enjoy your company. Now, this doesn't mean each person needs to have a hundred-person network, yet they do need at least 1-2 people deep down they really trust. It's why while I think the terms extroverted and introverted can really describe a person's personality, the term "loner" is a misnomer. Those who define themselves as such are really just trying to convince themselves and everyone around them that they are above this basic human need. That way they won't be disappointed if someone fails them. In reality, this self-protectionary measure is a social mask they wear full time. Perhaps, these people are the ones who need a friend the most.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

For those who like science to back up their claims...

I know I tend to write a lot about reproductive choice, mainly because this administration works its hardest to deny it, but debating on principle alone can only get you so far. That's where science comes in, and come in strong it did. Published in the Lancet by the Guttmacher Institute and the World Health Organization, a new study investigated the occurrence and trends of abortions world wide. In summary, it found the following:

1) Abortions are less common now than a few years ago (46 million in 1995 vs 42 million in 2003)

2) In 2003, 48% of abortions were unsafe, with 97% of these occurring in developing countries

3) Western Europe, where birth control and abortion are most prevalent with little restrictions, had the lowest rate of abortions

Overall, abortion rates for developing versus developed nations were similar, even though developing nations generally had greater restrictions on access (i.e. in many it was illegal entirely). Unfortunately, the health risks for such countries are much higher, as women are more likely to have an unsafe abortion when illegal. This is even more of a reason as to why it is crucial we stop the global gag rule I referenced yesterday.

Especially in countries where it is not a legal issue, we should have no business restricting what resources health care agencies provide with non-US money. It's shocking and disappointing that we have been for so long now.

Just to be thorough, for more info on just what has been done with this administration in regards to accessing birth control and abortion services, check this out This is why your vote counts, in more ways than you'd imagine.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Global Gag Rule

Since I'm currently in lab, I'll write my thoughts on this later. But for now, care of NARAL:

On his first day in office, George W. Bush reinstated the global gag rule. This policy prohibits the United States from granting funds to any overseas health clinic unless it agrees not to use funding from any other source to provide abortion services, abortion-related advocacy, or even abortion counseling or referrals.

The global gag rule blocks women's access to family-planning services that prevent maternal and child deaths, unintended pregnancies, unsafe abortions, and the spread of HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.

As part of the annual foreign-aid bill, the Senate passed a full repeal of the gag rule and the House passed a partial repeal. The Senate and the House are now working on a compromise version to send to the president.

On Wednesday, October 31, the House Foreign Affairs Committee will hold a crucial hearing on the global gag rule. Check out NARAL's website to do something about this, ASAP.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Friends and Honesty

I should be asleep now, but instead I figured I'd blog about something that's been on my mind a lot lately. The question is, to what extent do you want your friends to be honest with you (and vice versa)?

I personally like to think one of the most important roles my close friends have is to call me out on my bs. They can tell me when I'm wrong, am acting too full of myself, or am taking a passive-aggressive stance on something. In this way, they help to shape me as a better person, and challenge me in new directions. Apparently, though, honesty is not always the best policy, for some friends I know are overly sensitive to certain things. And since I've never been able to lie worth a damn, I avoid the subject matter unless asked.

However, why do some people ask questions they don't want to know the answer to? I mean, I had to train my mother not to ask me about physical relationships with guys, but she finally got the message. Nothing irks me more than when people go fishing for a compliment or some other desired response, and are hurt when I tell them my honest opinion. Now, granted, I may not always give positive feedback as often as I should, and I'm working on that, because it is important to not be consistently negative toward an individual and to let someone know when you think highly of them. But asking the stereotypical "Does this dress make me look fat?" question just to have a friend tell you you look awesome is a little much. NOTE: this is not to be confused with asking a friend's advice on clothing, that is totally different and often required to leave the house looking put-together ;).

So the question is, to what degree should our friends challenge us, push us in new/uncomfortable surroundings? And to what degree are they there to support us in our actions, just because they're our friends?

Friday, October 26, 2007

Multitasking does NOT make you more productive

I know this is quite trivial, but it's been on my mind lately as I know too many people who do it. How many times have you heard someone say, "I can't study/work without the tv/radio on" ?

Now, forgive me for being blunt, but this is the biggest load of bs that way too many people convince themselves of. When you were younger and played on a sports team, what would your coach have said if you pulled out some headphones (if you dared)? She'd yell at you and tell you to focus on the game. Well, why do some people decide that it will help them with their studies? You are not concentrating 100% at the task on hand if you are doing something else. It's like the printer/fax/copier combo: yeah, it can do all three functions with one machine, but it doesn't do ANY of them particularly well. Why on earth are you going to waste your time trying to multitask when you could really focus and finish your work/studying much more quickly and thoroughly? Now, if background noise is what you want, go looking for someplace with white noise that you will actually ignore.

You know, it's the same thing with the people who go to the gym and barely break a sweat. Newsflash: be more productive with your time and you won't have to spend so much of it doing one task. Yeah, reading while on the elliptical seems like a good idea, but if you can manage to do both you aren't pushing yourself very hard exercising. You're only cheating yourself...

Phew, I feel so much better now that I got that off my chest. To all my readers to whom it applies, no offense guys, but seriously, common! Next to tackle: sleep deprivation, but this time my own ...

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Key West Ponderings... Part II

Ok, so back to my Key West storytelling.

4) Dr. Pete and friends. While we were relaxing by the pool a somewhat intoxicated middle aged man offered us drinks on his friend's (whom he called Dr. Pete) tab. Since he was friendly and was pretty much leaving us alone (and a lot of people were already drinking on Dr. Pete's check), on the 2nd offer we took him up on it. It seemed perfectly cool when we heard they all had kids at home and this was their 16th reunion. All was well until Dr. Pete's friend told us he was divorced and started paying us more attention than desired. Then we realized why the rest of the gang held back, they were nice guys who talked to Alice about her work and about their kids applying to college in very comfortable territory. I think they wanted to distinguish themselves from our initial contact since apparently he didn't understand this whole age difference thing and appropriate conversations.

All this made me wonder, what makes someone your father's age think he has a chance with you? Why are there some men who are attracted to women who are close to their daughters' age? And for less extreme examples, how exactly does one say "you're just too old for me"?

5) The Mariners. Yes, all our groups of guys have codenames, how is this different than any other guy I meet :P The mariners were the two guys who took us parasailing, one in his twenties and one in his early thirties. The younger one was pretty hot, and definitely enjoyed saying things like, "If you want to remove your clothes, now is a good time to do it", and overall just messing with us. The older one was friendly too and taught us how to tie a good knot, and they both took us on an extended tour of the harbor and swimming after we finished.

We met up with them later that night, and went to check out a country bar (yes, even key west has country bars). Except somehow it ended up being just the younger one and a couple of his friends, one of whom is officially the most boring person to talk to that I have ever met (and somehow I got stuck talking to him for extended periods of time). Now, don't get me wrong, they were all nice guys, but they were mostly born and raised in key west and were content with the lifestyle they were living (take tourists parasailing/jetskiing, go out to bars, rinse, and repeat). Since boring boy didn't even know how to flirt, there were only so many conversation starters you could try before you gave up. I know this sounds pretentious, but I realized that I quickly run out of things to say to someone who has little ambition, is largely unaware of the rest of the world, and is unable to participate in any sort of intellectual conversation. Is that a bad thing?

Anyways, overall there were some pretty obvious perks to traveling with 3 other girls: free drinks, extended tours, interesting and friendly people... did I mention free drinks? And I got to catch up with my girls, lie in the sun, and actually relax. The only bad part was coming back :)

Monday, October 15, 2007

Key West Ponderings... Part I

For those who don't already know, this past week I went to Key West with some of my closest Duke friends. In addition to all the beach and parasailing and bar hopping fun, we got to meet a bunch of interesting people, and each interaction made me think about some larger issue (shocking, I know ;)). In the order which we met them:

1) Kyle, a waiter/bartender who sat down with our table our first night there and participated in girl talk. He had a good head on his shoulders, had found his way to making decent money bartending/waiting and catching lobsters, as well as enjoying his life. One of our more entertaining conversationalists, he felt comfortable in our philosophical discussions as well as partying key west style, two things we found later to be quite distinct realms. That and he called us out for trying to define acceptability of potential guys on anything other than an individual basis, something we all tend to do to try to make dating a more rational process. In engineer speak, that's like trying to make a nonlinear process linear- it just doesn't work.

2) The band. I don't even remember their name, but they were a rock cover band who got progressively more drunk and indecent with their lyrics (and body movements) as the night went on. Oh yeah, and they also threw out sex toys to the crowd. Watching this bunch of disheveled guys perform reminded me of why every boy growing up wanted to be a rockstar: tons of wannabe groupies and adoring women throwing themselves at the band. Let me be blunt, the majority of these women wouldn't have given any of the band members the time of day normally, but because they were on stage all of a sudden they become attractive and cool. And, for some women, this means using their bodies to get up close and personal, and more. As an adolescent boy, how could this not be your dream job? And as a self-respecting woman, how can you not be weirded out by this behavior?

3) The Serbians. We had a brief encounter with 5 Serbian guys earlier at the beach, and then ran into them later at the bar. All cute and with sexy accents, and one was determined to be our alcohol sponsor for the evening. After a fun evening of flirting and dancing (and a question about whether one of the previously mentioned toys was American or European sized), our drink "sponsor" now overly drunk himself got himself in a little tiff with another customer. As his friends escorted him out, a cop starts questioning him. Alice and I being the worry-warts, decide that it is best not to leave our foreign friends with the police (who seem to be mocking him for being foreign) end up using our feminine charm to calm him down and get him home safely sans police escort or in a headlock from his friends. Free drinks and the power of feminine charm- two of the many reasons I love being a female.

The Serbians get a second point though, that we didn't realize until afterwards. When we compared notes, we all knew what each of them studied or wanted to do for a living. Only one of them bothered to ask any of us what we did (I apparently do "Brain Fucking Engineering" :) ). For being some of the most courteous, chivalrous, and friendly guys we met, the rest didn't seem to care about our careers. In fact, one explicitly told one of my friends he didn't care that she was smart (he somehow intended that as a compliment). Did their chivalry necessarily negate being impressed with female intelligence or success? Does one necessarily rule the other out?

Monday, September 17, 2007

Dating... part three hundred and twenty-three

So I forget how many of these blogs I've written about my dating adventures. As of late, here's what I've learned:

1) Don't try to play (and assume everyone else is playing) by rules you don't understand. Every time I've tried to read into a guy's action by some sort of sex-and-the-city type of checklist, I've been wrong. Case in point: I don't hear from a guy in about a week, so I assume that's exceeded the 3-4 day limit and he's just not interested. When I run into him later that day, I act aloof because of it, and he gets the message I'm not interested. Turns out he was legitimately really busy but still interested, and we went out again this week (after I clarified).

2) Do not start conversations around serious topics. It is difficult to keep yourself in ok-philosophical area without slipping too close to the uncomfortable region. Example: Talking about how much people do or don't plan for the future. When your best example involves thinking about when in your career ambitions would be a good time to have children, this is a topic best avoided...

3) Trust your instincts. If your first date feels too much like an interview and you get that gut adverse reaction, don't ignore it. Later you'll wonder why you didn't listen to it in the first place.

4) When you do stumble across someone who you seem to have chemistry with, put a little effort in. When you're picky like I am, if you're still attracted to the guy after the 2nd date, and he hasn't admitted admiration of Zach Morris or chosen accounting as a profession, it's worth a little energy.

5) Dating is actually fun. Remember that when your instinct tells you to avoid the effort of social interaction. Learning about someone else, flirting, good food, what more could a gal want?

More on this topic later...

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Aggravated assault... with a shoe???

I used to make the argument that institutionalized racism was dead in the US. Individual companies and people were still all too often prejudiced, but official state and country policy was unbiased. I say used to, until I heard about the Jena Six.

Forgive me if you already know about this story, but it only recently came to my attention. Here's the story. Rural town in Louisiana (population of 2,900 with about 350 black residents ), high amounts of self segregation in school. At a school assembly, black high school student asks "permission" to sit under a tree where white students usually sit. The next day, three nooses are hanging from the tree. Principal suspends students responsible, only to be overruled by the superintendent claiming it was just a prank.

Racial tensions at school begin to escalate, some violently. A black student gets assaulted at a party by a group of white males. The same black student runs into one of the males the next night at a convenient store. As the white male goes for his shot gun, the black student wrestles it away from him and refuses to return it. When his friends get him to bring it to the police, he's charged with three counts relating to theft and disturbing the peace. The white student goes unpunished.

The next day, another white student verbally provokes some black students who attack him. He lost consciousness and suffered some minor injuries, but was well enough to attend a school function later that day. In connection with this attack (shortly after), 6 black students were charged with aggravated assault, later increased to attempted 2nd degree murder. The day before the trial of the first defendant, the charges were changed to aggravated 2nd degree battery. The term aggravated is used when the assault involves a "deadly weapon." In this case, the prosecutor claims the shoes the defendant was wearing was the deadly weapon.

Compare this to the treatment of the white male eventually (7 months later) tried for attacking the black student. His charge: simple battery. Currently some of the 6 are behind bars awaiting trial, as their families cannot afford the bail, which ranged from $70,000 to $138,000. The single white male's bail- $5000. Oh yeah, did I mention the white district attorney made some questionable statements in response to the noose incident and subsequent fighting? Or that those who hung the nooses have never been charged, although it could be prosecuted as a federal hate crime?

Now, I'm not defending violence as a means to solve any difference, but from a justice standpoint, the double standard seems pretty evident. This is our judicial system treating people differently based on the color of their skin. I mean, for a second, take race out of it. Since when is a tennis sneaker considered a deadly weapon??? When the DA wants to seek a harsher punishment? The original charges of attempted murder and conspiracy could have resulted in a 50 year sentence combined for an attack in which the victim was released 2 after two hours in jail and has no lingering injuries. How in any way was the punishment sought suited to meet the crime?

So why bring this up now? The first of the 6 was just convicted and faces sentencing on September 20th. His public defender did not offer any witnesses in his defense, and he was tried in the same county by an all white jury. There's a petition (follow the first link below) to attempt to change the charges the prosecutors seek and arrange an alternative place for the defendants to be tried in. And they need all the help they can get.

Anyways, here are a couple of links to check out for more information:
sign the petition
http://jenasix.org
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jena_Six

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Someone more deserving

In my rant last month on Sami Al Arian, I alluded to a number of individuals who deserve our attention and outrage. I think it's about time to cover one. His name is James Yee, and for those who don't recognize his name, here's a little background (care of wikipedia).

A Chinese American who converted to Islam in 1991, James Yee worked as a chaplain for the military ministering to Muslim prisoners in Guantanamo post 9/11. Upon his return from Guantanamo, he was found with a list of prisoners and interrogators, and charged with a number of charges, including espionage and spying. The charges were later reduced to mishandling classified information and some minor charges, and he was transferred to a US navy brig in South Carolina. 8 months later all charges against him began to be dropped. He was released to resume his military duties, and eventually was honorably discharged. During the time he was held, he was kept in solitary confinement for 76 days and subjected to sensory deprivation.

What most disturbs me in all this is that Yee is not only a US citizen but an officer of the Navy. There are a ton of abuses when it comes to our treatment of prisoners at Guantanamo, and while some can argue that non-citizens are not guaranteed the same rights as citizens, there is no question in this case. It is difficult as a nation to find a balance between protecting our civil liberties and national security. Yet blatantly tossing aside the 8th amendment like that for someone who served this country is ridiculous and scary.

Perhaps more so frightening is that I just found out about this recently. Now this may be because I don't watch the news often, but did anyone hear about his case much? And if not, is it prejudice that keeps the suffering of Muslim Americans out of the news? Or perhaps willful ignorance of what happens when our own country crosses the line?

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

In Georgia...

To continue along the lines of my last post, those who live in Georgia should know laws that are already in place:

1) 94% of Georgia counties have no abortion provider

2) Family planning agencies and individuals are allowed to refuse to provide family planning and birth control services when it is contrary to their religious beliefs. There is no requirement of such individuals/organizations to inform the patient, provide medically and factually accurate information, or provide a referral to another.

3)Similarly, even if one does get a prescription for birth control, pharmacists can refuse to fill your prescription based on their religious/moral beliefs. Georgia also allows hospitals and any of their employees to refuse to perform sterilization procedures. Both of these have no exceptions and no mechanism for women to find information or referrals.

Can you imagine being in a town out in rural georgia, and having to drive counties away just to find a doctor willing to prescribe contraceptives, and then make a similar drive every time you want your prescription filled? Or if you live in such a town, are raped, and want an abortion? Would you even know where to go?

My point is this: it's easy to get wrapped up in the federal level elections, but it's our local politicians that make the laws above. Isn't it time we started paying attention to them too?

Monday, July 30, 2007

How much jail time?

So my sister sent me a story I think gives an interesting perspective on the abortion debate. If abortion is illegal, how much jail time should a woman who has one in a state where it's illegal get? Check it out here

For those who think that abortion and contraception will not be a big issue in the next election, just look at what has happened in the past few years:

1) For three years, white house political appointees interfered with the Food and Drug Administration's decision on the Plan B® emergency contraceptive, delaying the eventual approval of the back-up form of birth control for over-the-counter sale claiming non-existent health concerns.

2) The current president and anti-choice congressional allies have continuously increased funding for abstinence-only sex education programs that have never been shown to actually decrease teen pregnancy or even lessen the number of teenagers having sex. Compare that to the number of studies showing more comprehensive education decreases the number of teen pregnancy cases.

3) Ideology and politics can sometimes trump science. The Department of Health and Human Services recently revised its website, 4Parents.gov, and replaced factual data designed to help parents talk about preventing teen pregnancy with biased and misleading claims about abortion. Previously, the administration had to remove medically inaccurate material it placed on the National Institutes of Health's website that falsely linked abortion to breast cancer, a claim roundly rejected by medical researchers and breast-cancer prevention advocates.

4) On April 18, 2007, the Supreme Court handed down its decision to uphold the Federal Abortion Ban in Gonzales v. Carhart and Gonzales v. Planned Parenthood, that held no exceptions for the health of the woman. The current court is likely to leave abortion rights in the hands of the states and legislature, even more of a reason to pay attention to who you elect locally.

Oy, my short post has turned into something much longer than intended... more on this to come later (or just check out the link in the bottom left corner for more info). For now, though, I'd love to hear opinions on the title of this post.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Tisha B'Av

Tisha B'Av began tonight at sundown, and as this is the first time I have ever done anything for it, I wanted to blog about it. Since this was one of the many Jewish holidays I didn't know much about growing up, I'll start from the beginning. The 10th day of the month of Av (Tisha B'Av) is one of the most somber days in the Jewish calendar. Originally designated to commemorate the destruction of the first and second temple (and the subsequent exile of the Jewish people from Jerusalem), a number of tragedies have since happened on/near this day throughout history:

1) The destruction of the First Temple on the 7th or 10th of Av in 586 BCE by Nebuchadnezzar (king of Babylonia)

2) The second Temple was destroyed on the 10th (70 C.E. by Titus)

3)The capture of Bethar, which marked the final defeat of Bar Kokhba's rebellion against the Romans, and the razing of Jerusalem by the Romans

4) The edict of King Edward I compelling the Jews of England to leave the country was signed in 1290,

5) The Jews were expelled from Spain in 1492

6) World War I broke out in 1914

7) The bombing of the Israeli Embassy in Argentina in 1994 by Iranian-backed Hezbollah

It's a bit scary that so many destructive historical events happened then. Likewise, it's fairly depressing to be reminded that in so many stages of history our people have been hated, abused, expelled from one place or another, shattered as a people. So we fast, use the day for introspection, mourn for the tragedies of history. And from what I've found so far, there's also a note of hope, a realization that no matter how much we've suffered, we're still here. We're still alive and kicking. And with Israel's declaration of independence in 1948, we are regathered from exile with a state again. To quote another country song, "That's something to be proud of."

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Country Music

A friend told me that he had a hard time believing that I like country music. For those of my readers in the same category, here's why. Besides the beat, a lot of the lyrics genuinely have good messages, avoid talking about bitches and hoes or shooting people, and touch home about life in general. Some of my favorites:

"Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what your made of
You might bend 'til you break
'Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe you hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand" -Rascall Flatts, "Stand"

" I ain't settling for just getting by
I've had enough so so for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time
I ain't settling for anything less than everything, yeah"
- Sugarland, "Settling"

"I laid in bed that night and thought about the day
And how my life is like a roller coaster ride
The ups and downs and crazy turns along the way
It'll throw you off if you don't hold on tight
You can't really smile until you've shed some tearst
I could die today or I might live on for years

I love this crazy, tragic,
Sometimes almost magic,
Awful, beautful life" -e" -Darryl Worley, "Awful, Beautiful Life"

"Someday she wants a big o' ring
With a big ol' rock that shines
And a big ol' walk-in closet
With shoes of every kind
Yeah, someday she wants a big ol' boat
She can lay around gettin' a tan
But right now all she wants is a man

With a big ol' heart
Who can love her like nobody can
Big ol' kisses that go on and on
And never end
With a big ol' smile
He'll fill her world with laughter
Size matters, size matters" - Joe Nichols, "Size Matters"

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Free Sami Al Arian... Are you serious?!?

So I've become a bit of a facebook junkie lately, and learned one of my friends joined the "Free Sami Al-Arian" group recently. I mean, I'm all for standing up for those falsely treated by our judiciary system, but Al-Arian? Are you serious???

For those who don't know who this is, Sami Al-Arian was a professor at Florida State University who abused his office and funneled money to the Palestinian Islamic Jihad (PIJ), a terrorist organization that advocates the annihilation of Israel and uses suicide bombings and other violent means to achieve this goal (and recruit women and teens to do so). For a list of such attacks deliberately targeting civilians by the PIJ, click here.

Lest someone else point this out, the US government charged him with a lot of terrorism-related felonies that he was acquitted of. Now, we can argue whether or not he should have been convicted/tried for those another time, but one thing is for sure. He is serving a sentence to charges he pleaded guilty to, i.e. conspiracy "to make or receive contributions of funds, goods or services to or for the benefit of the Palestinian Islamic Jihad, a Specially Designated Terrorist [sic], in violation of 18 U.S.C. § 371". He admitted raising money for an organization he knew employed terror tactics to achieve its objective, and did nothing to stop the violence (to quote the judge in his case, he "lifted not one finger. To the contrary, [he] laughed when [he] heard of the bombings"). And, more likely than not, Al-Arian was a PIJ leader in North America. Someone who raises money to buy the explosives to put into a bomb that kills a dozen civilians and to pay the family of the homicide bomber is as guilty as the one who lights the fuse. Is this really the type of guy you want to be sticking up for???

To my like minded friends, there are a number of Muslim and/or middle eastern people who have run into difficulty with the law in recent years. Pick your battles, there are plenty of innocent people at the wrong place at the wrong time who are worth standing up for. Sami Al-Arian is no such man.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Belize!


My photos from Belize are up! Overall I think Avital and I had a great time, getting to go spelunking, horseback riding, looking at Mayan ruins and snorkeling. The country's official language was English, but most people spoke at least one other (e.g. Spanish, Creole, Garifuna). We hung out a lot with some of the local Belizeans, and it was definitely nice to have a window into a totally different environment, politics, and culture. We definitely met some cool people, and everywhere we went we had "protectors" looking out for us. Fresh fish was cheap too, and we had it almost every night. Avital even brought back some home-made hot sauce from Erva's, one of our favorite restaurants.

This is my second international trip with one other female friend, and I'm really loving it. Travelling this way forces you to meet people, mingle, and really get a feel for the country. Yet you always have your safety bag, your person to unwind to at the end of the day, and relax with when you tire of socializing. And in spending so much time together, you learn a lot about each other, and yourself.

There's so much to say, but I'll end on this note: everyone should travel internationally, and try to actually meet people when they go. It's nice to be outside the US bubble, to start to gain some understanding of the way people live, and just to see new places. And on a student budget, Central America's a good place to start!

It's been a while

It's been a while since I've posted last, so I don't know where to begin. May and June have been filled with all kinds of excitement, from cramming to get simulation results for a grant submission, to a spinal cord conference, to an exciting trip to Belize! Did I mention I moved too? But now that I'm getting settled into the new apartment and found my cable, I can finally post some photos. They'll do little to convey the full extent of my adventures, but should be able to give you a little glimpse into them.

A short update on research, I've found that the more I understand, the more I realize I don't know. For example, I learned just how easy it is to manipulate hidden variables to make your simulation do what you want it to. And that the bulk of being a grad student is learning how to deal with failure and learn from it. Lastly, at the conference I made some pretty cool connections to people who study what I'm interested in and one professor who lives in Israel. Hopefully I can set up some kind of collaboration in the near future, I'd love to spend 6 months to a year there studying.

More posts to come later, as soon as I figure out how to do this whole picture thing....

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Virginia Tech and Guns

After the horrendous violence at Virginia Tech yesterday, I began to question what pushes a person over the edge. In the last 20 years or so, we seem to have had a great increase in the number of people who go on a shooting spree, particularly young people in places of education. And it seems that it happens in the United States much more frequently than any other country (except for in Israel, but that's a separate issue entirely). So what are we doing differently?

A few international notables have started to blame this on our culture of guns. The first part of this I think this deals more with access to weaponry, which definitely contributes to this. I mean, how did this kid get such a gun? Now, I am a firm supporter of the 2nd amendment, but guns are too frequently getting into the hands of the wrong people. I mean, if you can walk into a gun shop and obtain a gun by filling out a questionaire, anybody can. For those gun right activists, what is the problem with background checks before issuing a gun? And why can't we administer a psychological screening of potential gun users?

Secondly, I think we do have a culture that overemphasizes guns. Take one look at the movies/music/video games that most americans watch/listen to/play. Your average urban youth grows up admiring gangsta rappers, spending hours on video manhunt games, and seeing a movie character take the world into his hands with a gun. I'm not making the argument that these cause violent behavior, because obviously the majority of people who partake in these media outlets are not themselves violent. Yet for someone with psychological troubles, this overtly prevalent attitude that guns solve problems may influence their chosen expression of their mental instability.

What do you think about this? And if our culture of guns does in fact contribute to increased violence, what can we do about it?

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Keeping quiet?

What do you do when you don't like a friend or family member's significant other? This problem has been on my mind a lot lately. Perhaps I have high standards, but sometimes I think people in my life would greatly benefit from looking elsewhere. Yet there's no good way to bring this up, nor is it usually appropriate to give unsolicited advise. I realize that everyone makes their own decisions, but at a certain point people get too wrapped up in their relationships to see things from an objective perspective. At what point do you stop trusting that they'll figure it out for themselves, and tell them yourself?

From a worst case scenario, say you wait until they get engaged. If you don't speak up, they could be making the biggest mistake of their life, yet if you do speak up and they don't listen, they and their soon-to-be spouse will resent you forever, and your relationship will be severely compromised. If you speak up sooner, you risk alienating a friend/family member and obstructing their ability to find out for themselves.

None of these options seem like particularly good options. I mean, for me, it's a pretty strong signal if most of my friends and family didn't like the guy I was seeing. If you've ever hid asshole-ish things your significant other has done to you from your friend and family network, you know what I'm talking about. You're trying to only show them the good, so they like him/her, because you care about what they think. Not that you need universal acceptance to continue a relationship, but if those whose opinions you trust don't like the person, well, it makes you question.

Anyhow, what's your strategy? Say something or keep quiet? And if it's the former, when and how do you bring it up?

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Breaking and Entering

So Friday night Avital and I went to services at Or Hadash, which was meeting in a nice new Jewish day school (Weber). Afterwards we proceeded to one of the congregants homes for dinner, and decided to take only one car there so we could talk on the way. At 11pm when we went to pick up Avital's car, we find out the gate to the school is locked, and there's a tall fence around the perimeter.

Well, crap, what were we supposed to do? After brainstorming various ways we could get by without a car for a night, I notice a ledge nearby the fence, and suggest that Avital could jump the fence and get to her car. (After all, the gate will open for a car on the other side) When she was timid and suggested I do it, I took the bait. As I'm on the ledge analyzing how best to hoist myself over (mind you, this is rather difficult to do in heels and a long skirt), a cop car pulls up.

After chiding us that we could go to jail for breaking in, and asking numerous questions to validate our story, the guy lets us off the hook. Granted, a couple of Jewish girls in long skirts are not the most intimidating looking burglars, so this wasn't so much of a suprise. Except for 1 thing- he doesn't know how to get Avital's car other than the way I suggested. So he consents to letting me try scaling the fence again. Upon careful analysis and hoisting my skirt (partially flashing the empty building), I clear the fence with a quick hoist. Except for 1 slight problem: my skirt gets caught on the way down. At this particular moment, 2 other cop cars chose to pull up and catch the spectacle. Apparently the initial cop forgot to dismiss the backup.

The good news is that after unhooking myself (partially tearing the outer skirt), I managed to get to Avital's car and get it out of the gate with no further incident. As for the cops, I can only imagine what they were thinking. Who would've thought their breaking and entering radio would involve two very innocent looking girls attempting to do what their long skirts were not designed to do? We must've made for some entertaining donut shop talk that night, that's for sure :)

Friday, March 30, 2007

Human Rights?

Finally, someone stood up to the ridiculous and irresponsible behavior of the UN human rights commission. In the 6 months since this "new" commission has been in effect, it has ignored the blatant human rights abuses in Sudan, China, Iran, Syria, and every other country in the world. It has ignored the purposeful targetting of civilians by Hamas and Hizbullah, or the internal chaos in the palestinian territories that has claimed more palestinian lives than anything israel has done. Yet Israel it has singled out for criticism and has issued 8 pronouncements against it. If you don't know what I'm talking about, or even if you do, click on the link and see the speech.

His critique was apparently inadmissable, because of course the comission did not like to hear its bias put in the spotlight. Even more the reason to make sure you and those you know hear it.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Until they love their children

It seems odd to me that now, after Fatah has formed a unity alliance with the terrorist group Hamas and not one of the quartet's demands have been met, the western world is pushing for more talks between Israel and the palestinians. The Saudi Initiative, Rice's "new horizon" talk is just fluff, and attempt to win some points with one country or another. The reality is that the surrounding people are not ready for peace.

A wise person once said that until they love their children more than they hate us, there will never be peace. Today, I can't help but belief this, in both the Israeli conflict with the palestinians and the more general worldwide terrorism from distorters of Islam. For instance:

1) Last week, terrorists in Iraq used CHILDREN as a shield to get their car through a security checkpoint. They then proceeded to blow up the car with the children in it.
(click here for details)

2) The official school curriculum for palestinians teaches them that Israel doesn't have a right to exist, that it is their religious duty to expel the zionists, that jihad, sacrifice and death are the means by which to do it. They raise their children in a culture of violence and death, instead of love and peace. (see here for more details)

3) The Hamas TV just surfaced the video of the 4 year old daughter of a recent terrorist singing her mother's praise and wishing to follow in her footsteps. What parent in their right mind wants their children to grow up wanting to kill themselves in the name of G-d, and take as many lives as possible? (see here for more details)

Until the palestinians and the greater Muslim middle east start to speak out against child matyrs (Shahids), stop indoctrinating their children with hate, and start to teach them nonviolence, it matters not what fiery politicians do. In short, until they love their children more than they hate Jews and the western world, there's nothing anybody can do.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Running of the Brides


This past Friday I participated in the Running of the Brides (ROTB), to help my fellow labbie Kate find a wedding dress. For those of you who don't know what ROTB is, it is a big publicity event for Fillene's Basement where they mark down wedding dresses between 69%-91%, and have racks full of them. Now, instead of calm perusing through the aisles, brides-to-be and helpers wait in line overnight to get first crack at the dresses. Within the first minute or so of having been let in the store, all the dresses are grabbed of the racks. Then a massive trying them on and bartering process begins. Dressing rooms are rarely used, and you have to protect the dresses you have or someone might take them out of your hands. Craziness, I tell you!

With Kate, we had a team of 25 helpers, almost all grad students (about half males) looking for an entertaining time and a reason to miss some time at work. Thus, Operation Overkill commensed. Ridiculous to the extreme, we all had red visors on (as you can see in the photos), one guy was wearing a tux and another in his sky-diving getup complete with helmet cam. As the event itself is utterly ridiculous, we catered to it. We had walkie-talkies, designated barterers, security guards and official preferred traders. And we were first in line, with many members of the Red Raiders being interviewed by the Q100 folks, and them giving Kate her dress for free. I've pasted some links below, the first of which is the footage from Shane's helmet cam. Check it out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6k29nrvdcVg

http://lpe.accessatlanta.com/gallery/view/events/0307/bridesrun

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/11212053/detail.html

Sunday, March 04, 2007

High School Spoiled Me

I spent this past weekend visiting with my high school friends in Boston. After spending such quality time with them, I realized something: high school spoiled me rotten. Now, I know many people remember high school as that awkward period where everyone was just trying to fit in. Although the stereotypical high school melodrama encircled us, I became friends with some of the most amazing people I'll ever meet.

My Grandma once referred to my circle of friends as the model UN. We had many countries and ethnicities represented: Trinidad, China, India, Hungary, Taiwan, Poland, Columbia, Bangladesh; white, yellow, brown and black; jews, catholics, sihks, muslims, christians, just to name a few. Not only were we diverse ethnically, our political views were all over the spectrum, yet that never stopped us from approaching any political or philosophical debates. Our ethnic differences allowed us to learn from each other and try a ton of great food, yet they never defined our interactions with each other. In this environment, we learned just how unique and similar we all were.

Since graduation, I have yet to find another group like this. In college, ethnic and religious groups largely self-segregated. People generally avoided hot button discussions with those of other opinions, because they weren't able to respectfully disagree. But most of all, the majority of people I met were not of the same caliber in respect to moral judgements and overall outlook on life (although I did manage to find a few exceptions :) ).

Although we are different in many ways, my high school friends all have a strong sense of ethics, morality, and justice, and are largely driven to act accordingly in their careers and personal lives. They find it important to really enjoy the nuances of life and never stop learning and evolving as people. Not only are they fun to hang out with, they've all earned my utmost respect as human beings. In doing so, they've set a high bar for everyone else to follow.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

On a lighter note

I figured I'd lighten things up a bit. I was watching the Oscars last night, and noticed an odd trend. When did all of the actresses become stick figures? I mean seriously, they were attractive to begin with. What on earth convinced them that they all needed to drop whatever shape they had and become the same twiggish shape as everyone else.

I got into an argument with my sister over this. Yes, Americans as a whole are overweight, but models and actresses are underweight. If you are not small statured by nature (e.g. over 5'5'') YOU SHOULD NOT BE A SIZE 0. If you have to refrain from eating solids to maintain your current weight, that is not healthy for you. A couple of the actresses had some nice tone in their arms, but the majority lost most of theirs because their bodies needed a source of energy. I'm all for getting healthier and fit, but dropping sizes so that your body begins to resemble a frail board is ridiculous. No wonder young girls have such bad self-esteem issues....

Monday, February 26, 2007

Gender Roles and Religion, Part II

If I asked you to imagine G-d, what would G-d look like? When you use a pronoun in reference to G-d, which one is it?

It's easy to forget that descriptions influence the way we view G-d, and religion in general. For the first question, most people get the imagery of the wise old white guy with his cane. For the 2nd, I'd wager to say almost 90% of the people say He. Does this not seem odd to you? Why is it that the vast majority of society prefers to denote G-d with masculine qualities?

I can see two main arguments. The first, is probably the most disturbing. That argument is thus: the majority of society views stereotypical male qualities as good for a leader and a rock of spirituality. Males are the ones we feel more comfortable going to for guidance, the ones we hold in deeper respect, the ones that inspire us, the ones we can more easily see ascribing terms such as omnipotent and omniscient to. Now, I'm hoping that this isn't the case for most, but unfortunately it probably is for some.

The second argument is that in order to avoid using G-d every time, some gender-sided pronoun had to be used, and incidentally the male one was chosen. If this is only a grammatical decision, then why do we still imagine G-d as masculine? The answer most likely is that since the time we were little we have always heard G-d described as He. This was the time we first formulated an image of G-d, and it's stuck with us. Yet add to this imbalance the scarcity of women mentioned in the Torah and prayer books and a scarcity of female religious leaders. What you end up with is a male-centric (at least by outward appearances) religion.

Now, traditional religious thought in most religions deals with this difference by describing the center of male spiritual life external (i.e in synagogue, as leaders of the community), and the center of female spiritual life internal (i.e. in the house, raising the kids Jewish, etc). I'm quite thankful that in ultra-orthodox homes the women are well-respected for their roles, and men for theirs. I don't particularly feel comfortable boxing my religious identity into that small arena, but I can respect those who chose to do so.

My problem is with the middle of the observance spectrum who still follow the above-mentioned inequalities. These are the people who still cling to the gender imbalance, yet have no grounds to support their beliefs with other than "it's tradition". The many who adamantly refuse to add the matriarchs into prayers, without even understanding why they were excluded to begin with. And yet, it is in this middle group that women who do not feel comfortable within the rigidly defined orthodox sense of female spirituality (such as myself) seek religion.

For those women struggling to find a spiritual connection in a male-centric arena, it is often imperative for them to find something or someone with which they can identify. As society becomes increasingly more secular and egalitarian, it is these middle groups that must expand to include those who otherwise may be left behind (without losing the traditions that make them who they are). It's the reason I sought out a very minority-, gay-, and women-friendly conservative synagogue when I came to Atlanta. But it's a shame there weren't more truly egalitarian choices.

Here's a challenge to those reading this that pray on a regular basis. The next time you go through your prayers, think of G-d as female. Change every He to a She, and really think about the prayers and the way you feel reading them this way. You might just be suprised...

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Rewriting History

I'd like to take a second to address the recent controversy in Israel over the Mugrabi bridge. For those who don't know, Israeli authorities are rebuilding a ramp to allow non-Muslims to reach the Temple Mount, a religious site in Jerusalem that has been under Muslim control since 1967. Since the old ramp was deemed unsafe years ago and the interim ramp was designed for short-term use only, anyone with half a brain would understand that the need to rebuild access is important, and not a desire to undermine the Al-Asqa Mosque which was built on top of it.

Yet Arab leaders have incited absurd hysteria on these grounds, inciting their people to wreak violence on Israelis and Jews for their "attacks on the Al-Aqsa Mosque". The leader of the Islamic Movement in Israel, Raed Salah, announced in response to the ramp project that "the danger in Jerusalem has increased. It is high time for the intifada of the Islamic people." The prime minister of the Palestinian Authority, Ismail Haniyeh, called the construction project "continued Israeli aggression on Al-Aqsa Mosque and Jerusalem." An Egyptian MP, Mohamed el-Katatny, announced in parliament, "That cursed Israel is trying to destroy Al-Aqsa mosque. . . . Nothing will work with Israel except for a nuclear bomb that wipes it out of existence."

At the heart of this battle is not a worry of undermining the foundations of the mosue (which Muslim authorities came much closer to in 1996 by trashing tons of dirt/artifacts from underneath the mosque), but a worry of what archaelogical digs in the area may turn up. This is the denial by Muslim authorities to admit any Jewish ties to Jerusalem and Israel. Let me remind you, the Roman empire Titus destroyed the 2nd Temple (built by King Herod for the Jews) in 70 AD (the 1st one having been destroyed much earlier in 586 BC). The Al-Asqa Mosque, built some 1400 years ago, is now claimed by many to have been in existence since Adam or Abraham. Similarly, many scholars doubt the existence of a Temple (at least anywhere near Jerusalem), and distort/ignore whatever they can to teach such.

Thus, these ignorant voices are willing to ignore whatever archaelogic finds might benefit the Muslim world in order to deny and Jewish claims to the land. The thought being if they can first destroy the Jewish existence and history with words, maybe the destruction of present day Israel will follow.


**For more info, check out:
http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/824139.html
http://weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/013/311eafts.asp?pg=1

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Gender roles and religion I

It seems ironic to me that Islam is the focal point for gender inequality in religion. I mean, look at Judaism and Christianity. The most observant families proscribe a particular role to the women and the men. In traditional Jewish circles, women aren't allowed to read Torah and many prayers, aren't counted as part of a minyan (the 10 people required to perform certain prayers), don't where a tallis (prayer shawl) , are separated by a mechitza (curtain or wall) away from the men and usually the service, and are rarely mentioned in any prayer.

Now, the first few of those listed are officially because of the 613 commandments, women are only obligated to observe the negative, non time-bound commandments. This has something to do with a woman's ability to give birth and natural connection to spirituality, that the men can't/don't have, but have to follow a bunch of religious rituals in order to try. Now, I don't necessarily agree with this distinction, but in my opinion men and women's traditional roles should be respected equally, and each woman should be able to decide for herself what obligations she feels she has. Regardless, nowhere in Jewish law is it stated that women should be prohibited from touching the Torah or taking on more commandments than she would naturally be obligated to follow. In fact, there have been women since biblical times recognized for taking on all 613 commandments and being accepted by the community while doing it (as long as she hasn't neglected her wife/motherly duties. Yet lately, especially in Israel, this is viewed as unacceptable and disgraceful.

Additionally, just as women pray behind men in Muslim communities, women pray behind a wall or in a balcony in Jewish circles, so as not to distract the men. And, if you're like me and enjoy prayer, sitting up in a balcony where you can hardly hear the service and women just gossip and care for the kids is not your idea of religious fulfillment. Maybe we're not distracting the guys, but we're not exactly having a deeply spiritual connection ourselves. So where does this idea of women corrupting the spirituality of men come from?

Last week's parsha (Torah reading) involved the receiving of the Decalogue (more commonly known as the 10 commandments). In order to prepare themselves for this event, G-d tells Moses to make sure the people purify and clean themselves and their clothes. In reiterating this to the people, Moses makes one addition: Do not touch your women during these 3 days. This seems like an odd addition to tell the people, but maybe Moses knew the people better than G-d did, and knew they needed to stay separate to be in the right frame of mind. I'll offer a different interpretation that one of my rabbis brought up: Earlier in the parsha, we learn that Moses' father-in-law comes to visit with Moses' wife and kids, who he appears to have forgotten and hasn't seen in years. In the competition between family and leaderships, Moses has chosen leadership. That additional requirement is simply his justification of his neglect of his family duties, claiming that women (including his wife) would be a spiritual distraction for all the men. In doing so, he starts a long tradition of gender inequity within our communities, that is accepted with no questions asked.

Perhaps it's time to start asking questions.

More on this to follow

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Bridesmaids Must Be Rich

My bridesmaid duties for my old roomate's wedding have begun. Now, one might think that being a bridesmaid for a friend is a honor, a treat if you would. For the wedding day, you might be right, yet for the months leading up to it, it's one of the largest financial burdens one can stomach. Let me lay this out for you:

1) Buy a dress that you'll probably never wear ever again. And get it tailored, because you know even though you were measured for it, when it comes it will need altering, never fail.

2)If you live out of state, buy plane tickets and figure out housing for not only the wedding but one or more of the various pre-wedding parties. Which brings me to...

3) So many damn parties. Since when has a wedding turned into an excuse to get as many gifts as possible from each person? I don't know, maybe it's just a Southern thing, but for this one wedding, there are at least 4 parties. First there was the engagement party. Then there's the bridal shower (or perhaps more than one, targeting different audiences). Then there's the lingerie party. Then there's the bachelorette party. As a bridesmaid, you're invited to them all. For the latter, that includes an expensive night out on the town with lots of food and drinks, and paying for a hotel room in a city in which you live!

So how exactly is a poor grad student supposed to pay for this all??? Funny thing is, with Becky, she used to complain that her friends had all these damn parties and that she had to get gifts for them all. Perhaps as payback to her other friends, perhaps at the suggestion of her other bridesmaids (who seem to think these redundant parties are necessary), she does the EXACT SAME DAMN THING she was complaining about. WTF???

Monday, February 05, 2007

Reviving the Peace Process?

This morning, as with most weekdays, I digested my daily news along with my breakfast. Now, it's not uncommon for me to pay particular attention to the middle east, but today something was particularly striking.

One story began by quoting the latest figures of violence in Gaza. Interfighting between Fatah and Hamas has wreaked havoc, scarring buildings, bullets and grenades flying high at all hours, and leaving scores of civilians dead or wounded. And all predictions of the future say that this violence is only going to escalate.

Then the following story: Rice, allies at odds of how to revive the Israeli-Palestinian peace process. ARE YOU F*ING KIDDING ME?!? Palestinians are in the middle of a no-holds-barred civil war, and the western world is talking about how to make peace with the Israelis. Seriously, people, get a grip. In order for a peace process to work, there has to be leadership on both sides willing and able to enforce it. Now, one could argue that there has never been such leadership on the Palestinian side, but in this case, there is not even a clear leadership. Even the Palestinian supporters can recognize that the Palestinians are too busy killing each other to win popular support for just about anything, let alone peace with Israel.

This just goes to show how naive and ignorant the western world is with matters in the middle east. No wonder our leaders have failed miserably in meddling over there.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Over the Top Flirting

I'll start this off by saying that lately my social calendar has become more and more filled. This is nice, for once I'm learning how to actually date (i.e. go out on dates with guys to get to know them versus exclusively dating a guy that you knew as a friend first). With this is a different pace at which you progress, and I'm not just talking physically. Yet not everyone understands this. Between myself and my friends, we've noticed a pattern of overachievers. Or what I'd call over-the-top flirting.

First, the overzealous complimenters. Even before I've met them in person (or someone I've just met in a bar), they're gushing about how cute I am, how I'm such a wonderful person, etc. Seriously, if all you've seen is a picture and a paragraph, YOU DON'T KNOW ME VERY WELL. You don't even know if I look like the girl in the picture. If you use compliments this readily now, how are they going to carry much weight when you do know me? One or two well-placed compliments (that are in line with how much you know about me) are fine, but laying them haphazardly in ways that make no sense does not earn you any points.

Second, the early sexual innuendo flirts. Now while my guy friends can ask me if we're going to have a lingerie pillow fight at the girls' night sleepover, if I've met you once (or not at all), that is encroaching too much on my personal space. No, I don't wish to trade sexual fantasies with you, we met for less than an hour. My mind can function in the gutter as well as any teenage boy's, but I need to know you a bit before I'm willing to talk anything other than hypotheticals.

Lastly, the early emotionally attached guys. If we haven't even met yet, you have no reason to miss me. In fact, up until the point we've been seeing each other multiple times a week and for many weeks, there is no reason for that kind of emotion.

Now, I'm not saying that all guys are like this, but it's definitely a turnoff when they are. In the words of Avital- Slow Down Tiger!

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Social Classes

I've started noticing that in every social walk of life there are classes and leagues. First, there's the dating leagues. Now, I used to not believe that these existed. Granted, the Jewish requirement severely limits the applicant pool, but other that, I didn't think I drew distinctions across guys being in and out of my league. Apparently, however, one needs not consciously draw the boundaries, because others will.

Case in point: When talking to a guy in a bar, one of the first questions that always comes up is what we each do for a living. I don't think I do anything particularly unnerving, but you should see the faces of most guys I meet when I say what I do. A doctorate in neuroengineering apparently produces a temporary void in their minds, and they can never seem to get out of the conversation quickly enough. The few that stay are that self selecting guys who consider themselves in (or at least close enough to) my league. Even if I don't define that the guy needs to be smart and ambitious, it's already defined for me.

That being said, I always wonder what the response would be like if I were a male. It seems to me that the higher you climb in the education/success ladder as a female, the smaller your class of potential male partners. Is this a male/female thing, or a common interest thing?

Just recently I've realized that my friends have classes too, albeit less obvious most of the time. I have my friends that I only seem to see on religious occasions, my going out friends, my friends I think will get along with most of my other friends, my family friends, my friends I tend to hang out with one on one etc. While some of these groups overlap and I encourage intermingling, I think I still categorize some friends into one particular category or another. It's weird to me, because I recently understood that my friends do it too, and some consider me only in the religious category or one-on-one category. This has made me rethink this categorizing- perhaps I am assuming too much. Maybe by labelling friends I'm actually insulting them as a person and needlessly limiting their potential friendship attributes. Where does one draw the line between ensuring the group has good dynamics for a given activity and offending those left behind?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

New York

I just got back from a trip to NYC to visit Alice, my old college roomate. This weekend was so much fun, and felt like we were roomies again. We went to see The Color Purple on Broadway, which somehow managed to both stick pretty true to the book and make an awesome musical (suprising since the book is pretty serious and sad at parts). It was also cool in that it drew a pretty diverse crowd (not your usual yuppy white monopoly). If you get the chance, you gotta check this show out!

We also managed to have a relaxing afternoon of mulled wine and oatmeal raisin cookie making, capped off with some Gay, Straight, or Taken. I apparently suck at guessing who's who, so I'm not quite sure what that says about my potential love life, but that's ok.

Other fun pursuits of the weekend: catching up with Ben, Maloney, and Smolow, as well as a good chunk of my dad's family; playing video games, checking out a comedy club, going to a jazz club, shopping a little, and eating a ton!!! I don't know when my stomach will recover from it, but NYC has some damn good restaurants.

Except for the cost of living, I'm getting to be a bigger and bigger fan of the city every time I go visit. Who knows, maybe one day I'll go out that way for good. But for now, back to good ole ATL...

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Friendship

What makes a friend a friend? More specifically, what makes a friend a good friend?

These questions may seem trivial at first, but I'm beginning to realize that people have very different ideas of friendship. Take a recent example from an interaction two of my friends had recently:

Friend A was planning on going to a play with Friend B. A reminded B the day before, and B planned to meet A at A's house. On the day of, A's waiting around for B, calling B's phone, waiting some more, until finally A realizes she won't make it to the play on time unless she leaves. Begrudgingly (as A hates going anywhere alone, as all her friends know) A decides to go to the play alone. At the end of the play, B calls A's phone and asks to meet up with A. B apologizes to A, says he didn't have a good excuse (he just forgot and was watching videos), and tried to show up for the 2nd half of the play.

Now, A is bothered because this isn't the first time B has stood her up, and doesn't forgive B right away. What follows is an email chain, with A explaining why she's upset (she feels B doesn't value her friendship and his attitude his shown through his actions) and B expecting immediate forgiveness (because he feels good friends forgive and deal with each others mistakes, especially those they have no control over).

So if I didn't completely lose you there, here's my point. Besides B's refusal to take responsibility for forgetting (yes, if you're reading this, your memory is your responsibility, not some unattached entity you can put the blame on and expect immediate forgiveness for), there's a blatant difference in what each considers a good friend. A values reliability and dependability, from the silly to the serious events in her life, and defines a friendship where two people work to maintain their friendship. B values acceptance and understanding of each others flaws, and from what I gather values compatibility over all else.

My personal opinion is that real friendships are a combination. I prioritize dependability a great deal, and do want effort to be two-sided, but I definitely have friends that I'm willing to overlook/accept flakiness for their companionship. However, my closest friends all have one thing in common: they're willing to drop everything if I really need them for something, be they dependable or flaky at other times.

Oh yeah- and they don't let me get away with shit. :)

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Iran and Holocaust Denial II

And my reaction to the previous blog:

The worst thing about all of this is that I doubt they'll be successful at prosecuting Iran. The world would rather naively believe that nothing will happen than for once stand up to prevent a genocide. I mean, really, the United Nations was formed for that purpose, and what has it done to date?

Look at Darfur, the UN still doesn't have troops there. Why? Because it's Arab aggressors against a non-Arab minority. Because it's politics, and enough Arab countries will join their votes together to prevent any actions against an Arab country. Not to mention the countries that have tried to befriend this terrorist supporting and inciting regime. Russia and China would rather sell weapons to and gain political clout with Iran and Syria (and by proxy Hizballah and Hamas) than actually take actions against blatant terrorism. That's why it took so long to get even minimal sanctions pass against Iran, and the language on the latest Lebanon resolution lacked any teeth to enforce it. In contrast, how many resolutions has the UN general assembly passed against Israel?

Iran and Holocaust Denial

I was going to write something about Iran, but then I found the editorial pasted below. Since the author says it so eloquently, I figured I'd post it (care of the Washington Times).

Three weeks ago, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad hosted a conference in Tehran to promote the cause of Holocaust denial. Sixty-seven persons from 30 countries attended the International Conference on Review of the Holocaust: Global Vision," which had two main aims: to deny that the Holocaust ordered by German dictator Adolf Hitler killed 6 million Jews, or as a fallback position, to minimize Nazism's human toll; and to deny the international legitimacy of Israel. Participants included former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke; and some of Europe's most prominent Holocaust deniers, including French Professor Robert Faurisson, who has questioned whether Nazi gas chambers really existed. At the conference hall, there were pictures, CDs and posters, all of them dealing with some aspect of Holocaust denial. These included pictures of Holocaust survivors liberated from Nazi death camps; the pictures were falsely labeled as photographs of typhus patients who had been quarantined to prevent the spread of the disease. (Visit www.intelligence.org).

A recurring theme at the Tehran conference was the connection between Holocaust denial and the destruction of Israel. "Just as the Soviet Union was erased from [the map of] the world, so will the Zionist entity soon disappear," Mr. Ahmadinejad told conferees. Iranian Foreign Minister Mamuchehr Mottaki declared that "an official study of the Holocaust will also lead to the nature of the Zionist regime's existence being questioned." Mr. Duke, who denied that gas chambers were used to kill Jews, said "the Zionists have used the Holocaust as a weapon" to conceal Israeli crimes.


Conference participants agreed to establish an international institution to study the Holocaust, and appointed Mohammad Ali Ramin, an adviser to Mr. Ahmadinejad, as general secretary. Mr. Ramin says that, throughout history, Jews have "inflicted the most damage on the human race," and that some Jews have engaged "in plotting against other nations and ethnic groups to cause malice, cruelty and wickedness." Mr. Ramin has also suggested that the Holocaust was a myth concocted by the United States and Great Britain to weaken Germany by falsely depicting it as a "human-burning nation."


Such statements, while disturbing enough in and of themselves, must be viewed in the larger context of Iranian support for terrorist groups targeting Israel, along with the fact that Mr. Ahmadinejad has missiles capable of reaching Israel and is working to develop nuclear weapons. When you add it all up, the International Association of Jewish Lawyers and Jurists argues persuasively in a new report issued in conjunction with the Jerusalem Center for Public Affairs, Mr. Ahmadinejad is actively attempting to incite genocide against Israel. In its report, which is endorsed by Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel, the association notes that all too often, the civilized world, when confronted with leaders bent on mass murder, "has consistently delayed action until after thousands or even millions were already slain." In Rwanda, for example, the 1994 massacre of 800,000 Tutsi tribesmen was proceeded by years of propaganda incitement against them by the Hutu majority and reports that death squads were being formed. In Bosnia, there was ample warning that Serb President Slobodan Milosevic was prepared to slaughter his neighbors, but the world refused to act until 200,000 Bosnians were killed. With Tehran determined to acquire nuclear weapons, the failure to act could be far more costly this time.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Years

This new year's eve focused on the same central debate it does every year: go out to a big party, or stay in at a house party. I think most people tend to feel strongly for one or the other, but for me, I'm always torn. I mean, I love going out dancing and the like, and there's a certain appeal for the lights and glamour of a big club surrounded by hundreds of new found friends counting down to midnight together.

On the other hand, at a big club you can't really talk much to your friends, and you have to worry about transportation. Not only do you have to find designated drivers or hail cabs, but you have to trust on the road some other drunk driver isn't going to injure you. Staying at a house party has that personal appeal, and you usually have offers to crash there.
Bela will post photos soon, so feel free to check them out when she does :)