What do you do when you don't like a friend or family member's significant other? This problem has been on my mind a lot lately. Perhaps I have high standards, but sometimes I think people in my life would greatly benefit from looking elsewhere. Yet there's no good way to bring this up, nor is it usually appropriate to give unsolicited advise. I realize that everyone makes their own decisions, but at a certain point people get too wrapped up in their relationships to see things from an objective perspective. At what point do you stop trusting that they'll figure it out for themselves, and tell them yourself?
From a worst case scenario, say you wait until they get engaged. If you don't speak up, they could be making the biggest mistake of their life, yet if you do speak up and they don't listen, they and their soon-to-be spouse will resent you forever, and your relationship will be severely compromised. If you speak up sooner, you risk alienating a friend/family member and obstructing their ability to find out for themselves.
None of these options seem like particularly good options. I mean, for me, it's a pretty strong signal if most of my friends and family didn't like the guy I was seeing. If you've ever hid asshole-ish things your significant other has done to you from your friend and family network, you know what I'm talking about. You're trying to only show them the good, so they like him/her, because you care about what they think. Not that you need universal acceptance to continue a relationship, but if those whose opinions you trust don't like the person, well, it makes you question.
Anyhow, what's your strategy? Say something or keep quiet? And if it's the former, when and how do you bring it up?