Free or reduced price High Holiday options in Atlanta

Since I just researched this for an email, I figured I'd post this publicly for all who were interested.  A number of area synagogues offer free or reduced price high holiday tickets to young adults.  Some places to look at:

Hillel (reform, conservative, and orthodox)

Open Jewish Project at The Temple (reform)

Or Hadash (conservative)

Atlanta Jewish Experience at Beth Jacob (Orthodox shul, learner's service)

Beit Chaverim (reconstructionist)

Kehilla (modern orthodox, explanatory service)

Or Ve Shalom (sephardic)

and any of the Chabads

Feel free to add to this list if you know of any others...

Gender Roles and Dating Rules

I know I've touched on this in multiple posts previously, but I wanted to clarify based on some of the comments from my last one and consolidate here.

One of the hardest things for me to get used to in Atlanta is that gender-based dating rules are largely followed.  For someone uncomfortable with the idea of boxing anyone in based on their sex chromosomes, the fact that I've caved and have come to accept to many of these rules seems rather hypocritical.  Lest you get the wrong idea, here's why:

Dating is complicated.  Everyone is trying to one-up those they date, get inside their head, and hopefully be on the same page emotionally.  Gender rules give a clear cut answer to a lot of what the other is thinking, albeit rather arbitrarily.  Assume for the rest of this that I'm talking the first few dates, because things do tend to change when it comes to long term.  For example, Jack and Jill go grab dinner.  Jack tries to pick up the tab, Jill knows Jack sees it as a date.  Jill lets Jack pick up the bill, Jack knows Jill too wants this to be a date. Both know where the other stands and can respond accordingly.

Take something a little less defined.  If it is the guy's responsibility to be the initiator (of planning a date, a kiss, etc), it is the girl's responsibility to make sure the guy knows she's interested.  Even in strictly defined gender boxes, both must be active participants.  The big problem with leaving it up to the individuals to decide who plays what role, is the uncertainty that follows.  If Jack is not initiating, does that mean he's not interested, or desiring Jill to initiate?  And if the latter, does he know how to make Jill know he's interested, i.e. how to play the active "female" role?  Now Jack and Jill are back to the game of trying to interpret each others actions without knowing the context, making the whole dating game that much more complicated.

Now, I'm not saying that we always need to follow the archaically defined gender roles in dating.  However, perhaps we need to learn a little something from the homosexual dating culture (at least how I understand it to be, please correct me if you know this to be wrong).  You don't always have to play the stereotypical "male" or "female" roles in dating, and can swap periodically.  However, make sure if you're not doing one, you're doing the other, actively, and hopefully the other will catch on at some point.

Dating Passivity

As Evelyn tells me, I must balance my more serious blogs with those on a lighter topic, namely dating.  One might think in my 4+ years blogging I may have run out of insightful things to say about dating, but I seem to be constantly provided with new material.

In many discussions I've had lately, both male and female friends have complained about the passivity with which potential partners seem to approach dating. As a female, it's literally refreshing to encounter someone who blatantly expresses interest, who courts actively and pursues obviously (yes, I said court, if we're going to live in a society where gender dictates dating rules, the male at least tries to impress the female with an interesting date, initiating phone calls, etc).   While some do give this breath of fresh air (and are actually more likely to achieve a first or 2nd date, mind you), the majority seem to take the passive approach: flirting but never crossing the line, interested when the girl initiates but not initiating himself, etc. 

According to male friends, the female equivalent passive behavior is a lack of explicitly showing interest, general flirtatious behavior not solely directed at the guy in question, accepting of but requiring the guy's initiative on everything, etc. Sorry I can't elaborate more here, but maybe some of my readers can.

It seems to me that there are 2 likely causes: 1) the person lacks the self confidence to fully put him/herself out there, and 2) as the movie says, (s)he's just not that into you ( or maybe even (s)he could be, but could also be into others if the opportunity presented itself, and would like to leave those doors open).  Yet regardless of rationale, the passive approach doesn't work.  As one friend famously said, we Americans need to stop buying so many cereal boxes.  If we're constantly rotating between types, we never fully evaluate any one box before it goes stale. 

And since humans are not cereal boxes, the other person is unlikely to stay interested if they're not sure you are.  As another friend put it, "I don't need you to know you want to marry or even enter a long term relationship with me from the first date.  But I do need you to be all in for seeing where it leads.  Half-assing it just doesn't cut it."

Perhaps if we worry less about rejection, show our intentions clearly, and focus more at a single option at a time, we might just find what we're looking for a little sooner.  And maybe one of these days I'll start remembering that myself ;)