Sunday, February 03, 2008

Dating feedback

It's been a while since I last posted, and late on a Saturday night, however, I figured I'd write again about dating. Both with guys in my life and in my friends', I've become rather interested in what makes a person have dating balls.

Now, mind you in today's gender inclusive environment, the responsibility does not fall solely on the male for pursuing and making his intentions known. Yet for the life of me, I have not been able to understand what makes someone put him/herself on the line and obviously pursue someone else. In the ideal world, knowing someone is interested in you would make you more likely to put yourself out there, but this is not always true.

Case in point: for those who don't know, I'm rather interested in the topics of bowel/bladder/sexual function from a scientific perspective, and am pretty open to talking about it. Yet at a party last week, one such attendee decided to broach the topic by telling me personal stories of his sexual encounters. I am all for discussing the physiological mechanisms of mating and procreation (and their dysfunction), yet I don't really want to hear about how enjoyable orgasm is to you and details of your sexual conquests. And for some odd reason this particular attendee did not pick up any of the hints dropped that this was not a good way to hit on me. Which makes me think, he's in his late 20s, so he's got to have had many interactions with the opposite gender. Who on earth helped support his notion that this was a good way to pick up girls? Or how has he gone through this much of his life and not realized it?

As my friend Randy said, the difference between a sweetheart and a creep is whether his advances are welcome or not. Complicated to decipher, perhaps, but a relationship's potential for success depends on a person's ability to truly understand the other, and correctly perceiving one's response to your actions can play a pivotal role.

On the other hand, what makes some so willing to entirely put themselves out there for a potential boyfriend/girlfriend? I mean, at these early stages do they really know they'll be successful ahead of time? Or are those that are more readily pursuant just more self-confident in general and are willing to risk more to gain more?

I guess what I'm asking is two-fold: 1) what makes some potential datees be more ballsy than others, and 2) which is worse- someone you liked lacking the decisiveness/courage to pursue you, or someone you don't like continuing to pursue even though you've tried your best to discourage them?

1 comment:

MJ said...

Some interesting thoughts in there.

While I don't condone the idea of sharing your sexual conquests with strangers, I understand what this guy was trying to do. He was trying to show you that women find him desirable. He was trying to show you that he was a high-value guy. Though hard to tell from what you wrote, he might have even been telling you what he liked (foreshadowing?).

Well, there are a couple of problems with this. First, if you are a high-value guy, you don't need to convince people of it. Second, it seems that his timing was off. He was using this "sexual talk" as a way of hitting on you. There's a time and place for that kind of talk, but it's definitely further down the road.

Maybe it was the alcohol talking?

"On the other hand, what makes some so willing to entirely put themselves out there for a potential boyfriend/girlfriend?"

I would recommend "The Power of Now" to you if you're never read it. If you're using past experience as a reason not to take a chance, this book puts things in perspective.

And I think "someone you don't like continuing to pursue you" is worse than someone lacking the decisiveness/courage to pursue you. YOU can change the latter.