Wednesday, November 08, 2006

On Dating Part II

Here you have it, the much awaited for sequel to the dating rant.... :) Btw, all those who read without commenting SUCK! I like knowing what you all think.


Last time around, I never quite answered the question I posed. What is the point in dating? I've been pondering this a lot since I got to Atlanta, because no one ever really has a good answer. I think it's because everyone has different reasons. Here are the three main breakdowns I see:

1) I'll call this high school dating. You date because you like the company, the physical attraction, the chemistry. You're still trying what's out there, and trying to figure out what the heck you want. You like to date, and if someone suits your fancy, why not?

2) I'll call this the religious and over 30 dating. You date because you want a spouse. You try to give everyone a real chance, but call it quits once they're not in it for the long haul or when you realize you couldn't deal with being married to that person. When you're not dating, you feel you're wasting time.

3) I'll call this the picky category. You've dated a bit, and have some idea of what you're looking for (and more of an idea of what you're not). You're not ready to get married anytime in the near future, but you don't much see the point in dating anyone long-term that doesn't have the potential to be that person later on. Other people usually tend to be more concerned with you being single than you are.

In case you can't already tell, I figure I'm in this third category. I mean, I do like the company and all that other good stuff. But I'm still stubbornly independent, and have a tough time ceding much of my time and interests for another, especially someone I'm just lightly dating. I mean, I loved my last relationship where I never saw my boyfriend before 11 on Thurs-Sat nights, think of all the time I had for my girls! :) Besides, it seems to me that you can satisfy any need for companionship with good friends, and as a female, there are always a number of options to satisfy the physical if necessary. As for the 2nd category, I'm not at a place in my life where I could handle losing some of my independence, not always following my dreams, and acting in the best interest of the couple instead of the individual. Which, well, you need to be willing to do to have a functional marriage. And so I keep trucking along as the picky dater, knowing what I want (or rather, what I don't) and ruling out many before I even go on a date.

The thing I don't get about category 3 is the way your friends in serious couples react. "So, are you dating anyone interesting?"... "No, well, don't worry, you'll find him"..."Maybe we can set you up with this friend..." I mean, really, I didn't realize I was worried or needing help. But thanks for feeling sorry for me.


Eric said...

Ok, I’ll bite. I agree with you, at this stage in our lives, no person, especially one that you are just lightly dating, is worth changing your ideal career path or education plans. However, no great relationship is formed after 11 on Thursday-Saturday nights. Realistically, couples need to spend time with each other. Not so much time that you are expending every waking minute outside of working with that person; that’s just plain unhealthy. But the best relationships I have been in, neither person has to sacrifice what they would like to do; they just invite the other to join them because they enjoy each other’s companionship. This of course only works if there are shared common interests, and while both people may not have equal enthusiasm for an activity, each person is willing to partake. Activities ranging from attending a game, a cultural event, a party, religious can all be done together without requiring a great loss of ‘indepedence.’

Friends should be comfortable being around the couple—it shouldn’t be a big deal for her to go to a game with his friends, or for him to go dancing with her friends. Of course there are always a place for “girl/guy’s night out” but in a good relationship that really shouldn’t be the only time when the couple sees anybody besides each other.

SikWit said...

I feel that every now and then I have to remind myself that there are some STUPID, IRRITATING people out there. I don't even think that I'm THAT smart. But I chill in my life alot by myself and I see people around with dates or girlfriends and I think, "I should quit being so much of a loner and date more people...get more social...hell, maybe even get laid." Then I do that...and maybe even get laid. After a while I end up frustrated that I couldn't talk well with the smart ones, I had to dumb it down for the stupid ones, and I had to hide from the stalker ones. But it does remind me that I have an above average intellect and that many people don't care to know what interests me LOL. So I end up rounding up the VERY few phone numbers of people I can TOLERATE and go in my room with the "number of options to satisfy the physical if necessary."

That might be a category: Introverts that need to be reminded why they prefer seclusion.