Wednesday, September 10, 2008


Ok, so this is not the lightest of subject matters, but I've been thinking about this a bit lately. Now those who know me well know I have very little tolerance for cheating. If a good friend tells me they've been cheated on, I'm likely to take their word for it and even join in the badmouthing, encouraging them to leave the cheater in the cold. However, if I'm friends with the alleged cheater as well, this somehow becomes a lot more difficult a situation.

For some odd reason, we all like to think that our friends are good people and don't possess certain negative traits, cheating included. And so if the topic comes up, we're hesitant to believe it about them, and if we do, we're likely to still want to maintain the friendship. Case in point: one of my high school friends was dating a girl in a different social circle than we were (not better or worse, just different). He would often ditch times he was supposed to hang out with her to hang out with us, sometimes even lying to do so. There was also word of him being unfaithful, but since he was always faithful in and prioritized his friendship with us, we ignored everything else. Yet now that I'm older and supposedly wiser, I'm not sure what the appropriate response is/should be.

I guess my question is this: is cheating one of these inherently bad traits that should make us rethink our friendship, if we weren't directly hurt by the action? Or is cheating one of the many flaws of human nature that we should just accept if we're not the ones cheated on?


Avital said...

I don't think that's such a black and white question. First to consider, was it a single incident slip up? Or is a pattern of behavior that the person performs in time after time or in multiple relationships? With the first, I think yes. We all make mistakes and hopefully we learn from them. But if it's a pattern? Well, you may not be directly hurt by the action, but someone was...and indirectly, I think you're hurting yourself if you chose to stay friends with such a person. Silence may not be meant as acceptance, but it can be taken that way. So the real question is, do you accept the behavior or turn a blind eye to it? Or do you make a stand?

Rachel said...
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Rachel said...

I definitely have to comment on this.....I don't think it matters if its a pattern or not, but most likely it probably is. and I think it depends on what you look for in a friend........Let me explain (and i'm sure you agree)...cheating is wrong, morally, spiritually...In my mind it should really be considered a form of robbery. Robbing the significant other of their innocence, their trust, their view on how the world works. If that person can belligerently and continuously lie to their sig other, especially without remorse, then what makes that person not lie to you? Looking a little bit deeper, cheating is an OBVIOUS sign of immaturity. If that person isn't adult enough to forewarn their sig other that things just aren't working out, their not interesetd etc..then they obviously need to get off the highchair (or mothers boob, bank acct, control) and grow some balls. And who wants a a 20 soemthing friend in diapers, GROSS! I'd say for sure you need to talk to this person, analyze, give advice. In my experience...these types of people aren't worth my time, or in fact, are a waste of time!