Tuesday, September 02, 2008

What women want

I was hesitant to write the female equivalent of the last blog, for a couple of reasons. First, I do not understand all females, and thus have difficulty giving advice on how to handle some of my gender. Secondly, I never know who's reading my blog, and don't want to give any potential suitors a how-to handbook on me. However, for the sake of balanced journalism, I feel the need to put aside my concerns and at least attempt something on women (and if you think you are a potential suitor, not to worry, I'm not revealing all of my cards anyways :P). I've attempted to feminize the previous questions as follows:

A) What goes on inside a woman's mind... and how attraction works for her?
B) Initial interaction: how to start up a conversation and keep her interested
C) What do women want in a man? In a relationship?
D) The five things men do that annoy women and kill intimacy.

I'll start with the premise from some of the earlier comments about men being the ones who predominantly pursue initially and women filter. As much as the feminist in me would like to pretend otherwise, guys, let me be clear. ALL FEMALES WANT TO BE PURSUED. Some have a more scripted interaction that they want to have, but regardless, every woman wants to feel attractive, wanted, and special. No, this doesn't mean that you need to fall all over yourself giving compliments (in fact, this approach can backfire as the comments seem to lose significance), but if you're thinking something positive about her, share it with her. Don't be afraid to put yourself on the line and make her blush, and if you're in the early stages of dating, let her know you're interested. If you're actually in a relationship, let her know she's wanted/needed/cared for always. This kind of leads me to my next point.

As to how attraction works, there's a lot at play, but one thing is certain: we like self-confidence. Now, I may have defined this once or twice, but confidence is definitely different than (and should never be confused with) cockiness. If you think back to high school, there was likely at least one of your not-so-attractive classmates who had a surprising amount of luck with girls. Why? Because he had charisma, was proud of who he was and it came across, no extra effort needed. Please don't try to flaunt your accomplishments or your sexual prowess, stating those things explicitly actually makes you less attractive, not more. But to be comfortable with who you are, that's sexy.

More comments may follow, but for now, I'll leave this open ended for you all. Feel free to post/answer any additional quesitons you come up with as well.


Benjamin Pollack said...

You wrote: “As to how attraction works, there's a lot at play, but one thing is certain: we like self-confidence. Now, I may have defined this once or twice, but confidence is definitely different than (and should never be confused with) cockiness.

In practice, I've found absolutely no difference between being confident and being an ass, as far as picking up women goes—except that the latter actually increases your chances, since it tends to annoy away most of the companions of the girl you're trying to get with and give you a longer time window to make your case. Certainly quiet confidence gets you much further than mousy apathy, don't get me wrong, but being a royal dick is your best option by far. The only thing I'm curious about is whether that's because most women honestly can't tell the difference—it sets off the same pleasure receptors either way—or whether acting that way truly is attractive in its own right.

Crazy Guns said...

As far as Ben is concerned it's not really being an ass but more not putting them in front of yourself. Women in my experience care WAY too much about themselves and their future agenda. So I would only care about em if they don't have the energy to care for themselves. Besides, what girl wants to be reminded how needy she is? The only time a girl should think of that is when you aren't there LOL. And who wants a woman that soaks up you being a good guy. More often than not you will be the first "good guy" in a long line of douche bag boyfriends.

Other than that what is important other than finding a girl you don't despise?

MJ said...

Not to be a cynic, but I really don't think that it is possible to characterize what women want. Especially considering that most women don't even seem to know what they want. Not surprisingly, this applies to men as well.

Not knowing what they want explains why a lot of women fall for the "asshole." Predictable is boring. And so are nice people that agree with everything you say and apologize for breathing on you.

It's interesting because this definition of "asshole" is nothing more than a reversal of gender roles. As someone already mentioned, these guys are called assholes because they don't put their partner before themselves. And why should they? Why can't both genders be on an even playing surface?

I think that there's an undefinable quality that makes the difference between a successful and unsuccessful courtship. But what do I know...I'm still figuring it all out myself.

Stephan said...
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