Sunday, August 24, 2008

Secrets of Meeting and Keeping a Great Man

Seeing as how I had a very lazy day today, I figured I'd try to make up some productivity and write a blog. I know I promised a rant on why cruises are not really my thing, but seeing as how most of my readers have already heard this shpiel, I decided on a different topic. Lately, I've started paying attention to the ads that pop up on the side of facebook, and how they decide what to show who. For the past few weeks, being listed as single in my profile has meant I get pegged with every dating and dating self help advertisement on the planet. Today was one of my favorite: the Secrets of Meeting and Keeping a Great Man. Clicking on the link brought me to their website, which describes what you will encounter if you want to subscribe (which of course costs money). Here are some of the more interesting ones:

A) What goes on inside a man's mind... and how attraction works for him.
B) How to "cheat-proof" your relationship... and why he might be tempted.
C) The differences in how men and women think about dating... and why
most men want to keep you from being successful.
D) The seven secrets to communicating with a man that will create lasting love and affection.
E) The truth about men who aren't "emotionally available"... how to know if you've got one and what to do if you're dating one.
F) The five things women do that annoy men and kill intimacy.

Do guys who mark single also get such silly advertisements? Ok, I understand that the sexes don't always understand each other, but do we really need an outsider to analyze a person they've never met? Better yet, I'm a firm believer in chemistry- you either have it or you don't, and no book is going to tell you how to develop it with someone. Not to mention how annoying it is how these websites make their money off of the insecurities of lonely women. If only I had done X, I could've married the guy of my dreams already, instead of spending yet another Saturday night home with the cat...

Apart from the how to cheat-proof your relationship bit (I'm sorry, but one should never have to change their behavior to make sure their significant other remains faithful), there are some interesting answers to the above, many of which most of us already know. But for argument's sake, let's get them in writing (and my version will be free).

Here's my challenge to my readers: if you have thoughts/answers to any of the above, please post a comment. I will do the same, and we will see what kind of compilation we get :)


Amanda said...

I figured perhaps I should get this ball rolling. I'll tackle A) What goes on inside a man's mind... and how attraction works for him.

Traditional wisdom says that the male mind thinks about sex 90% of the time, and if he can picture it with a female without getting horrified he's likely attracted to her. Yet I'll beg to differ that attraction for guys is similar to that for girls, you take in the whole picture. Now, I've heard that there are different categories for attraction (e.g. the I'm-horny-and-will-go-for-anything-with-breasts-
that-isn't-awful-looking, the she's-got-to-stimulate-my-mind-and-be-hot-
for-me-to-consider-dating-her, etc), so I guess it depends on what the intended outcome is.

Unfortunately, many women cater toward a perceived male attraction criteria that depends entirely on physical sex appeal. In my book, that not only devalues the women themselves, it's insulting the men they're trying to attract.

Kirk said...

Dating and attraction are very different. I think (gross generalization) that men more often start with attraction and advance on it while women are usually the ones receiving attention and filter. So, a man goes in with more of an aggressive mentality looking for what he can get initially and then figuring out if the person is worth dating. Whereas, the girl would be wary and try to filter to find a guy that she thinks could be long term.

Disclaimer: Before I scare women everywhere off of men forever, I believe that you're right in that men and women are similar in their ways. My statements are more of an exaggeration in an attempt to explain the difference in approach and mentality that contribute to the stereotypes that lead to such ads.

The male counterpart to those ads deal more with "local singles" and tips that seem geared more towards finding one-night stands than developing a relationship.

Avital said...

F) The five things women do that annoy men and kill intimacy.

1. Interrupt the football game
2. Interrupt the baseball game
3. Interrupt the basketball game
4. Interrupt the golf game
5. Interrupt the hockey game

Mike said...

I agree with Kirk that for men attraction starts with physical appearance. Men use this as a starting point and women can become instantly more or less attractive based on their behavior and how much interest they show towards the guy. If it is clear that a woman is stuck up, mean, or otherwise malfunctional, even the most physically actractive woman can be vilified in a man's mind and even in conversations with his friends. All this being said, most guys would still sleep with any physically attractive woman even though a relationship may not be desired. As for not wanting to scare women away from all men... You have to understand that if you are modestly good looking or better, most men will sleep with you no matter what. You just have to determine if a particular guy enjoys your personality as well and is looking for a relationship on top of everything else. Common sense really...

Crazy Guns said...

Avital forgot about interrupting the tennis match :)

In every decent relationship you have the creative one and the worker. Normally the one who is creative wants to know what the worker doesn't really tell them. The worker doesn't really have much to tell since they work all the time.

If you date the creative guy the it would be good to take a REAL interest in something they do. Don't half ass because it's irritating. Creative people display their creativity so that people will play with them. Simple.

If you date the worker then you should take interest too. Only you should half ass as much as possible. Workers are pretty competitive even though some of them deny it. And they want to believe that working harder and not smarter is what makes them a good person. Most of the time that is why they are reluctant to tell you about their work.

I'm creative and I date workers. Amanda once told me that if someone has their hobby that it would be good for me not to consume it and make it my own cause it makes them feel lame when I become better at it (I'm paraphrasing). So I half ass all the time...LOL. Yes I appear lazy but if I worked better and harder than my couter part she wouldn't like me cause I make her look bad. Win win.